Selfish or Self care???

Selfish or Self care???

I published on the blog a little while ago and thought it would be perfect to include in our self care month. I need this reminder lately.

Working out whether you are being selfish or merely self caring can be confusing and  something that causes many some angst.  This is a challenge for all of us but especially those caring for others, and parents are doing that 24 hours a day to more than one other.

The “right” thing to do, or the “nice” thing to do is to be there for others, put others first,etc.   This is great however no one ever told me that to be able to be at your best to, give others your best,  you have to put yourself first at times. That is something I have learned in more recent years and have found it to be so very true.  I have become happier from it too.  I certainly notice the difference in me, my reactions particularly, when I have had time for me to do my thing just for me.  Even for a snippet of time compared to what  I used to.

There is no point giving, giving, giving when you have nothing left in the tank to enjoy.  Life is meant to be a balance.  In order to enjoy giving, we also need to enjoy receiving. It is a two way street. Think how good you feel when you give to others.  Is it right to deny that feeling for someone else?

Parents particularly seem to feel a greater burden of putting themselves second behind their children.  While to an extent this may be necessary  in some aspects, there still needs to be some room for self care.

Parents usually want to be good role models for their children. We all are better human beings when our needs are met if we are to be great role models for others , this is important to remember.

We can’t expect others to respect us and help us if we don’t respect our selves. Part of self respect is self care.  Besides, no-one enjoys being with someone who is so exhausted and unhappy that they are cranky and not fun to be around.

So are you giving your best?  If you are not getting some time out from your day to day activities with some fun, chances are that your best is yet to come.

Give it a go.  It may be hard to say “no” to a request at first or to “ask” permission from your partner or children or to even start thinking about the possibility.  The fact remains it is important for your wellbeing to take care of you. Self care not selfish.

How are you going to give your self care today?

TEACHING PATIENCE (2 of 3)

TEACHING PATIENCE (2 of 3)

2. Accept all offers of help.

Often times new parents feel like they “should” be able to manage everything that is associated with  coming home with a newborn baby.  They often see other parents who seemingly handle it all with ease,  grace and confidence.

An important fact is that all new parents feel like you.

Another important fact is that it takes a village to raise a child.  This is because caring for a baby particularly is a 24 hour a day job as we mentioned above

.

For this reason we ideally encourage you to have a relative or friend stay with you to help for at least the first 6 weeks.  Ideally the first 3 months of help would be even better.  Babies start to be less intensive from around the 12 weeks mark and new parents often find their parenting is becoming really enjoyable and easier around this time.

Accept all offers of help no matter how seemingly minor, even if it is from people you don’t know well, particularly, if they have been in your shoes.  It may be a neighbour, you don’t know well, who comes around with a lasagne for you out of the blue. Someone may offer to vacuum.

Accept any offers for them if not yourself. People feel good when they can help someone else. 

Look at the floods in recent years that were devastating in Brisbane & Bundaberg and the “mud army” that appeared.  People like to help.

The important point is that you aren’t expected to be able to do it all on your own in the beginning.

Go gently on yourself.  It will all fall into place in time.  Think of it as a brand new job with no manual, no boss and  no targets. 

 Ask for help and accept help. It may be hard to do in the beginning but it will get easier.

We all need help at some time with different things.

If you want to sound things past someone we are here to help insyncwithinfants.com

Playing with your Newborn

One of the things that can be confusing and tricky for new parents is all the toys, helpful tools and stuff out there for newborns and toddlers.  One area that can be really confusing for parents is toys and what is appropriate for play.

 

Newborn babies are wired for survival and learning. Their senses are turned on so that they can learn as much as they can from their surroundings as quickly as possible. Their brains are wired for learning. The tricky part of this is that newborns get overstimulated very easily because of this.

 

This is a really confusing thing for a lot of new parents.  Usually you are so in love with this new baby that you just want to shower  him or her with affection and positive vibes and joy and everything else.  Unfortunately your baby can only cope with a short amount of stimulation and quite quickly get over stimulated which looks like an unhappy and cranky baby.

 

Your baby doesn’t need much at all in the way of toys etc. It is probably more for our benefit to think we need to provide all this stuff. The best play thing for your baby is you. Your newborn gets enough stimulation just from the touch, sound of your voice and movement that he or she receives from the care that you give throughout the day and night.

 

Sure as your baby grows and matures toys come into play more. When your baby is moving around the floor, more interested in surroundings, reaching more etc, toys will be more important. However you are still the most important part of your babies toy room.

 

My message is that your baby doesn’t need all those things that marketing makes us believe  are important. Pretty much less is more when it comes to your baby.  You are enough and the perfect plaything for your baby.

Healthy sleep habits

[caption id="attachment_2114" align="alignleft" width="150"] Early tired signs[/caption]

 

We have already talked about habits or routines. There are routines for bathing, feeding, changing and sleep to name a few. Mostly everything we do has developed into a pattern of activities whether you realise it or not.

It is possible to start developing helpful sleep habits from early days home from hospital. Most parents find this easier to do with second or third baby just because with the first one it is such a huge change to your daily life that trying to do this from day one is quite overwhelming.

 

Flexibility  and consistency is key. Generally if you have an idea of what you’d like  your baby’s sleep habits to be from birth that is great. If you remain flexible with it but still have the main goal in mind you will get there.

 

Newborns are immature and all sorts of things affect them- some we don’t even realise. Expecting your baby to fit into your idea of what he or she should do at any given time will probably end up in tears.

 

Healthy sleep habits are those that fit in with natural principles of sleep, are respectful of individuals and are activity based rather than strict and rigid.  It includes choice of bedding and sleep clothing, the environment for your baby to sleep in and timing of sleep so your baby is as relaxed as possible to go off to sleep rather than over tired, overwhelmed, over stimulated and cranky and so needing a lengthy time to unwind before going to sleep.

 

Healthy sleep habits often mean the difference between peaceful, restful sleep  resulting in a relaxed happy baby and a cranky baby who struggles with sleep every time. When your baby is relaxed and happy often so is everyone else.

Baby Sleeping AND have a Social Life that Works!!

Having your baby sleeping and having a social life is one of the things that seems impossible to new parents. Suddenly their ideas about what life with a new baby would be like is shattered with reality.

What they once thought would be easy; “it’s a baby, how hard can it be? They are so little, surely it’s not that hard?”, is not so easy in reality. The idea of getting out of the house with their baby often seems overwhelming.
Questions come up like: Is it ok to go out with my baby?
When should I go out?
How long is ok to stay out?
Should I just stay at home?
How do I breast/bottle feed/ get baby to sleep when we’re out?
How will I know if my baby is ok with going out?

It is not impossible. Here a few tips to help.

 

1. Take Baby steps.

When you first go out, make it a very short trip. Perhaps to a friend or family nearby. Then perhaps to the shops for bread and milk or something simple that won’t take long. Perhaps meet up with a friend for coffee. Build on longer outings as you gain your confidence.

2.  Wait until you are ready.

There is no timeline for when you have to go out with your baby. Most new parents go out with someone else to start with. Usually we encourage you to wait until you feel more confident with feeding and handling your baby. Get comfortable with the basics first, then consider going solo in public with your baby.

3. Practice at home before you go.

Practice putting your baby in the capsule and the capsule in and out of the car. Practice getting the pram in and out of the car and unfolding the pram so that when you are out you are confident with the mechanical things.

 

These ideas will hopefully help on your way to getting out with your baby. Having a baby sleeping will be easier when you can see your baby sleeping patterns. Once you can get your baby sleeping better then a social life is easily sustained that will benefit your baby too.

Baby Sleeping -  Babies Who Don't Sleep

To enjoy your baby sleeping he or she must first get to sleep. Babies who don't sleep often either don't know how,  are not given the best opportunities to go to sleep or simply can't because of discomfort.

The good news is that this is all changeable with a little bit of knowledge.

Most of you who know me or have worked with me know that I am often talking about building sleep in babies who are overtired to help get their babies to sleep.  When we are discussing what is happening or not happening for sleep so we can work out what steps to take, the knowledge that sleep builds sleep often takes people by surprise.

 

All too often when we explore what has been trialled, I hear that they have tried everything including keeping their baby up longer hoping that it would completely tire him or her out and so sleep better. Unfortunately that is the exact opposite of what would be helpful.

 

To get good quality sleep, you need to be relaxed.  When any of us are overtired, we tend to have more difficulty going off to sleep. The same is true for your baby sleeping and also for your toddler.

 

When this idea is new to you , it can take a little while to get your head around.  For a lot of us it doesn’t seem to make to make sense.  Most people think that if any of us are over tired we will just go to sleep because we are exhausted.

 

At times this may appear true. Certainly there are many, many babies who do this every day.  They are so beyond overtired that they just crash, often after being awake for hours on end , beyond what they can cope with.  Most times, they are cranky and not happy when awake. Usually sleep will occur in waves with a few nights of problem sleep and then one or two nights of blissful sleep.  When good sleep is not sustained like this there is usually a problem of overtiredness.

 

Babies who don't sleep can become a baby sleeping peacefully and without fuss in most situations, once we work out what is and is not happening for your baby around sleep.

 Why stop thumb sucking?

 

There are many parents concerned about their child still sucking their thumb when most people have the opinion that they shouldn’t.  This can be frustrating, confusing, upsetting and even undermining to a parent.   My hat off to the parent with great internal fortitude to ignore others’ comments and not feel compelled or pressured to address something that until now has not been an issue for themself or their child., and instead to recognise when the time is right for them.

 

Remember a parent is doing their best with what they have and what they know in the circumstances they find themselves at this point of time.

 

The timing of when this is a concern varies . For some it is when their baby starts to suck his or her thumb or finger. For others it is 12 months and others still not until about 5 or 6 years of age.

Generally it seems to be sometime before adult teeth erupt.  Tis would put it about 6 or 7 years of age.  Many would recommend that from age 5 years if thumb or finger sucking is an obvious issue, do not let it go past this age before you start to address the problem.

As a child health nurse we would become aware of it and monitor it from 12 months on and as the child matures, utilise non invasive habits to discourage it.

 

Why is it of such concern?  Most concerns tend to be about teeth and skeletal development  of the mouth. The risk is that pressure from the thumb can eventually change the shape of the growing jaw and cause things such as overbite, or buck teeth or  uneven or mispositioned teeth.

 

It may also interfere with speech.  The tongue is a muscle so if it is worked for lengthy periods in the wrong way it may become thicker in some areas and cause speech problems.  in some instances  it may cause a delay in speech development and others inducing a lisp or mis pronounciation of certain sounds.

 

Ideally we would like thumb sucking to stop somewhere between 2 and 4 years.  As long as it is stopped before adult teeth come through. If left unchecked  it can go to adulthood.

New Mama Self Care

 

Working out whether you are being selfish or merely anew mama self caring can be confusing and  something that causes many some angst.  This is a challenge for all of us but especially those caring for others, and parents are doing that 24 hours a day to more than one other.

 

The “right” thing to do, or the “nice” thing to do is to be there for others, put others first,etc.   This is great however no one ever told me that to be able to be at your best to, give others your best,  you have to put yourself first at times. That is something I have learned in more recent years and have found it to be so very true.  I have become happier from it too.  I certainly notice the difference in me, my reactions particularly, when I have had time for me to do my thing just for me.  Even for a snippet of time compared to what  I used to.

 

There is no point giving, giving, giving when you have nothing left in the tank to enjoy.  Life is meant to be a balance.  In order to enjoy giving, we also need to enjoy receiving. It is a two way street. Think how good you feel when you give to others.  Is it right to deny that feeling for someone else?

 

Parents particularly seem to feel a greater burden of putting themselves second behind their children.  While to an extent this may be necessary  in some aspects, there still needs to be some room for self care.



It is also ok to want to have time out from your baby. It is important to have time out from your baby. It doesn’t make you a bad mother or that you don’t love your baby. Quite the opposite.  It means that you love your baby so much that you want to give him or her the best of you.  The best way to do that is to take care of you.  Most women feel selfish if they think this way.  It is not selfish just self care.  If you take care of you, you will take care of your baby better purely because you are not so drained.  You need to fill your bucket as much as the next person and especially now that you are giving so much of yourself to your baby. Remember you are a person in your own right and not only a mother now.  Remember you and honour you.

 

Try to have a break from your baby everyday.  Find one thing to be thankful for everyday.

 

Take time out from your baby as soon as you can.  Go for a short walk to the end of the street, around the block.   Have a long shower.  Have a coffee with your feet up. Do it. Do it every day. Leave your baby with your partner- he or she will manage.  5 minutes may be all you can manage to start with. Build on that each week. Talk with your partner about what’s important as far as settling strategies etc and then trust them- you know you can. You being upset doesn’t help anyone.

 

We can’t expect others to respect us and help us if we don’t respect our selves. Part of self respect is self care.  Besides, no-one enjoys being with someone who is so exhausted and unhappy that they are cranky and not fun to be around.

 

So are you giving your best?  If you are not getting some time out from your day to day activities with some fun, chances are that your best is yet to come.

Healthy families and "toxic oil" and "poison sugar"

On a different note, I have been exploring the topics of “toxic oil” and “sugar is poison” ideas that have been floating around. I had wondered about them and finally got to read about it and look a little more closely at it.  After much reading, I think I have an idea of where they are coming from. At first I thought they were talking about all oil /fats and sugar full stop, however I now understand that they are talking about the processed ones that are not so good for us and may well have a large stake in our problems with obesity, diabetes, heart disease and cancers.  This makes more sense to me.

Why am I so interested?  I have always been interested in healthy living and eating. I love food and those who know me, know I love sweet stuff. I have a sweet tooth to rival any in the land.  I, and my siblings have never been physically sick from eating too much sweet or junk, ever. We were brought up eating healthy.  Junk food was limited  but we regularly had sweet treats- all home made. The thought of going without sweet food is very hard for me to accept.

I am often baffled by announcements in general media about certain new super foods that we absolutely must consume to live a healthy life and going into an organic shop is overwhelming for me. I feel  baffled by all the things in there that I have never heard of and supposedly should eat.  Don’t get me wrong, I am all for no pesticides and ethical and sustainable farming practices especially coming from a farming background. I am also into simplicity.

 This is a snippet of what I have learned.

Simple sugar is used by every cell in our body. This is glucose. Also known as dextrose.  Simple sugars are ok for us. Any processed sugars are not. Sucrose is not so good for us and any modified sugars are not good for us. Sugars are processed by the pancreas. The pancreas produces insulin.  There are many people with insulin resistance and more and more commonly I am seeing it in newborn babies in special care nursery with  insulin resistance or low blood sugars in the first few days of life and needing to be on a drip to help stabilise it.  This scares me- the fact that newborns are having trouble with blood sugar.  Something is amiss.

This all leads me towards the questions I have about why so many babies have reflux type symptoms as small babies.  Reflux in infants is often what we see and treat when it is food reaction but difficult at that age to identify. There is too much of it around and I still am confused  about why. So this also got me thinking about babies and unsettled tummies and food reactions.

So I continue on my search for understanding about unsettled infants. It is by no means a simple answer but there has to be one out there.

 Unprocessed, varied diets with plenty of protein, unprocessed fats and sugars, and plant foods is the best way to get on the right track.

Enter our March competition

Enter our March competition.

We are delighted to offer you the chance to win one of these gorgeous tutus this month. There are 5 colours to choose from

They are made by The fabulous Ruby Abbott this is her facebook page in case you would like to check them out more.

https://www.facebook.com/AliceRoseDesigns  .  All you have to do is comment on this blog post to win one. Sizes range from newborn to size 10.  Good luck . Enter now below.

[caption id="attachment_2421" align="alignleft" width="150"] White-girls-tutu[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2420" align="alignleft" width="150"] red-girls-tutu[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2419" align="alignleft" width="150"] candy-stripe-girls-tutu[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2417" align="alignleft" width="150"] Win-baby-pink-girls-tutu[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2418" align="alignleft" width="150"] yellow-girls-tutu[/caption]

 How do I get my 2 year old out of my bed?

 

[caption id="attachment_2359" align="alignleft" width="150"] older baby and toddler sleep[/caption]

At times I hear from a parent – how can I get my 2 years old out of my bed?

Sometimes parents find themselves in this position where when once having your little one in bed with you even for part of the night is now not as helpful as it once was.

Instead of everyone getting a good sleep, now it is just the opposite and no-one sleeps well anymore. However how do you change this situation? It is something that you just didn’t see coming.

 It all starts out beautifully.  You have  your baby and to make night time easier you bring your baby into your bed so you both  get sleep.   You don’t mind, it is a beautiful feeling-A nice warm little body snuggled up against you, both of you sleeping peacefully.  The reassurance of the  sweet, soft breath of your little one against your skin. It works for everyone.

 

 

Fast forward 2 years later and it may not be the case any more.  Your baby is bigger, more active  in the bed and getting is sleep is now almost impossible.  Any sleep you get is now broken for everyone, you and your little one are cranky and always overtired.

 

 

So what to do?

 

 

If your little one has been in your bed for a long time, then it will take time and the approach will depend on how you want to approach. You can  start with day sleep in their room, or start with night time in your bed then transfer to their bed.

 

 

Depending on their age talking  about any changes to come will help to ease the transition.  However it is realistic to expect your little one to protest loudly. The first 3-5 days will be the hardest and expect it to take up to 3 weeks to really cement.

 

 

Exactly how to do this will vary  depending on various factors including age of child, how long they have been in parents bed and whether they are over tired or not.

 

 

Of course if there is no problem  then there is no need to change anything.

 

 

How do I get my 2 year old out of my bed?- with patience, perseverance and persistence.