3 More Ways to Remain Calm When your Baby is Crying

3 More Ways to Remain Calm  When your Baby is Crying

Continuing on from last week's article about ways to remain calm when you baby is crying

4. Put your baby in the pram and go for a walk. Again, movement is often soothing and being out of your arms can be more relaxing for both of you.

5. Have a long, warm relaxing bath or shower together.  There is nothing more soothing than water. Often this calms everyone and breaks the cycle.

I have added this because it is important.

6.  Take of yourself with regular time outs and doing something just for you.   This should probably be number one- it’s a preventive action. When you do this well, it fills your bucket of give and those times when your baby needs lots of your give, you will have those extra reserves to help you through these really tough times.  Not caring for yourself will mean that your reserves are lower and it will take less for you to feel the stresses of having a baby.  It is important for every stage of our lives but particularly when we are caring for others daily.

Once your baby is calm again it is easier to be able to think back and try to work out what may have upset your baby.  Sometimes it won’t be obvious, sometimes it will.  If it is a regular occurrence it is worth seeing a health professional to rule out any medical cause. 
As time goes on your will be able to work through these times more quickly. Often when you go through your list and can’t find a reason , lack of sleep can be the answer.  

It is surprising how much sleep little ones need. And also a simple answer for unhappy babies in the absence of discomfort or hunger.

The most important thing to remain calm when your baby is crying

The most important thing to remain calm when your baby is crying

For most parents one of the most stressful times is when your baby is crying for what seems like hours and doesn’t seem to be stopping. This is particularly so when your baby is usually placid and happy, settling easily and this behaviour comes out of the blue.

 A myriad of thoughts often go through your mind including “is there something seriously wrong with my baby?”.  This is particularly so when your baby has been so calm and relaxed and this is out of character.  This is for many young babies, not just for new parents. 

Recently my neighbour who has baby number 5, yes 5, (and I don’t know how they do it and they are the quietest neighbours I have- go figure!!)  ( My other neighbour  has 2 and I hear them more – just normal kid noise- I am very fortunate to have very good neighbours).

I am waffling- any how- this neighbour with  her 5th baby, called me over just to bounce off what may be happening to make her baby cry uncontrollably for  the last few hours.  As you can imagine the mum was agitated and upset and just needed an objective view to help her think through the situation. Her baby is normally quiet and would settle pretty easily but this one evening she just wouldn’t/ probably couldn’t settle for whatever reason.  We had discussed that she  could be a little unwell- possibly teething. She had a mild temperature and didn’t feed as well that day and had rosy cheeks that she didn’t usually have and probably coupled with not having had a enough sleep also, was by now overtired. She settled to sleep while I was there which made her mum feel so much better.  Her mum visibly relaxed .  I didn’t do anything, just gave her a chance to talk it through.  Often this happens and it often happens that as the mum relaxes, the baby also relaxes a little more. The next day she was back to normal again.

Another friend of mine said to me that she had been talking with a group of mums and they were reminiscing about when their children were babies.  She said that she could see now that when she gave herself permission to relax and go with the flow, her previously unsettled baby became much more relaxed.  All in the group could now see, looking back on that time, that it was the same for them and the age at which they were able to do this varied.  For some their baby was 4 months, some 8 months and for my friend it was when her baby was 14 months of age.

The most important thing you can do to remain calm when everything seems to be going wrong is to

Take care of yourself with regular time outs and doing something just for you.

This should be number one thing you do- it’s a preventive action.  I understand that with a baby it is difficult.  I do encourage you to really consider it as a key tool to help you through the broken days and nights with little ones.

When you do this well, it fills your bucket of give and those times when your baby needs lots of your give, you will have those extra reserves to help you through these really tough times.  Not caring for yourself will mean that your reserves are lower and it will take less for you to feel the stresses of having a baby. 

 It is important for every stage of our lives but particularly when we are caring for others daily. It will help you remain calm when your baby is crying.

Sleep builds sleep: how the ‘tucker them out’ myth is keeping you awake at night!

Sleep builds sleep

Sleep builds sleep: how the ‘tucker them out’ myth is keeping you awake at night! 

I’ve helped several families this week to get their baby to sleep.  I start out by talking with each family to work what is happening and get a feel for their parenting approach and unique family situation. This then guides what steps I take in the baby sleep training process. In these discussions that the fact that sleep builds sleep often takes people by surprise.

The ‘tucker them out’ myth

To get good quality sleep, you need to be relaxed.  When any of us are overtired, we tend to have more difficulty going off to sleep. The same is true for your baby and toddler.When this idea is new to you, it can take a little while to get your head around.  For a lot of us it doesn’t seem to make sense.  Most people think that we are over tired we will just go to sleep because we are exhausted. This is the ‘tucker them out myth’. How often has someone suggested to make baby sleep by keeping them up or wearing them out?

Why the myth prevails

At times the ‘tucker them out’ myth may appear true. Certainly there are many, many babies who are so beyond overtired that they just crash, often after being awake for hours on end, beyond what they can cope with.  Most times, they are cranky and not  happy when awake. Their behaviour, personality and development can suffer.

Overtired babies fight sleep

An overtired baby fights sleep not because they need to stay up longer and crash out when it all becomes too much, but because they feel ‘yucky’. When I am talking about babies and sleep  remember  that we need to feel relaxed to go to sleep. When your baby is not feeling relaxed  they feel yucky, they need you to help them feel better so they can go to sleep. When your baby has not had quality sleep for an extended period of time, it can be harder for him or her to go to sleep easily because of feeling yucky.

The solution is to build good quality sleep first and then work through any other challenges with sleep and your baby.  Catching up on sleep is often the first step for baby sleep training. Sleep builds sleep and has a positive effect on your baby as a result.  For all of us, we are much happier and calmer when we are feeling relaxed and well rested.

For more ideas to get your baby to be happy go to leisabreed.com.
ps View the replay of our free webinar for "Realistic Settling- What it really takes " https://app.webinarjeo.com/node/webinar/view/12045-realistic-settling-what-it-really-takes

© 2016 Leisa Breed

www.leisabreed.com.au

All Rights Reserved

Healthy sleep habits

[caption id="attachment_2114" align="alignleft" width="150"] Early tired signs[/caption]

 

We have already talked about habits or routines. There are routines for bathing, feeding, changing and sleep to name a few. Mostly everything we do has developed into a pattern of activities whether you realise it or not.

It is possible to start developing helpful sleep habits from early days home from hospital. Most parents find this easier to do with second or third baby just because with the first one it is such a huge change to your daily life that trying to do this from day one is quite overwhelming.

 

Flexibility  and consistency is key. Generally if you have an idea of what you’d like  your baby’s sleep habits to be from birth that is great. If you remain flexible with it but still have the main goal in mind you will get there.

 

Newborns are immature and all sorts of things affect them- some we don’t even realise. Expecting your baby to fit into your idea of what he or she should do at any given time will probably end up in tears.

 

Healthy sleep habits are those that fit in with natural principles of sleep, are respectful of individuals and are activity based rather than strict and rigid.  It includes choice of bedding and sleep clothing, the environment for your baby to sleep in and timing of sleep so your baby is as relaxed as possible to go off to sleep rather than over tired, overwhelmed, over stimulated and cranky and so needing a lengthy time to unwind before going to sleep.

 

Healthy sleep habits often mean the difference between peaceful, restful sleep  resulting in a relaxed happy baby and a cranky baby who struggles with sleep every time. When your baby is relaxed and happy often so is everyone else.

Sleep associations & healthy baby sleep

Sleep associations

 

[caption id="attachment_2523" align="alignleft" width="150"] healthy baby sleep[/caption]

 

When we talk about healthy sleep, how sleep works and how to maximise sleep for anyone not only your baby, knowing about sleep associations is an important part of it all.  Knowing about sleep associations will help you trouble shoot sleep problems and get you the sleep you are after.

Sleep associations come into play in light sleep states. Generally if what was happening when you  went to sleep isn’t happening in light sleep, you will usually wake up because the trigger for sleep isn’t there any more. This is a sleep association.

Basically the thing that is associated with sleep usually needs to be there  at light sleep to give that signal that it is still sleep time. Remember light sleep is usually just a lighter consciousness ideally, Not a complete wake up.

For your baby the same applies.  This is often one of the main reasons that  your baby may at times wake up after a short time and need help to get back to sleep again.

Once your baby knows about sleep  this is not such a big factor. When learning about sleep it is a bigger influence.

Sleep associations can be termed helpful or unhelpful. As long as they are working they are helpful. When they are not, they are unhelpful.  Sleep associations can start out being helpful and then change into being unhelpful after a time.  As your baby grows and matures what once was helpful may become unhelpful. This is how some sleep difficulties inadvertently come around.

 

Young babies will usually require a number of  things to help him or her sleep. When you use a number of things for sleep some of them may eventually be unhelpful and some will always remain helpful.  If there are a few associations we can wean off the unhelpful ones when they are no longer helpful. In this way you still have helpful ones so you are not trying to start something new at a time that is stressful for everyone.

Night time routine

Night time routine

[caption id="attachment_2188" align="alignleft" width="150"] night time sleep routine[/caption]

 

Most new parents find their baby’s night time wakings a rude shock to the system.  They quickly find out that the tiredness you experience as a parent is very different to the tiredness you feel as a partying young adult with no children. As a parent there is no night off, and no sleep in the next day either! Think about going out partying late into the night every night and then getting up to go to work and trying to perform at your job - every day. You would probably not be looking, feeling or performing at your best.  Sleep deprivation can impact on your mood, health, judgement, decision making and so many other important skills. Any parent will tell you there are no days off, so it is essential to minimise the disruption to a good night’s sleep.

 

Babies are immature little beings who wake at night for any number of reasons, importantly they need night feeds until around six months of age. We understand this and accept it.  You can streamline night time wakings by developing night time habits that assist everyone to go back to sleep easier.

 

Five top tips to minimise night time waking:

 

1. Swaddling - Swaddling newborns if they are in their own cot or bassinet is the number one tool to help babies sleep at night.  This would be our most important habit to use to help your night time get better.

 

2.  Low lights - Only turn on the light if you really need to. Keep lights down low so that you keep baby as drowsy as possible so that he or she hopefully settles easily at the end of the feed.

 

3. Avoid changes -  Only change nappy if you need to. If you are using disposables be aware they are designed to soak up a lot of fluid. Your may be able to go all night comfortably without a change.

 

4. Quiet - Use a gentle, calm, soft and quiet voice and keep talking to a minimum.

 

5. Avoid play time at night -   Remember just because your baby is ready for play doesn’t mean you have to play with them. Let your baby play if he or she wants- you don’t have to join in. There is plenty of opportunity to play during the day. By reducing stimulation it encourages your baby to settle back to sleep easier.
There are a number of habits you can employ to foster a helpful nighttime routine. These top tips are a great place to start. For more information get one of our resources here-    http://insyncwithinfants.com/baby-sleep/

What is a sleep routine?

[caption id="attachment_2513" align="alignleft" width="150"] What is a sleep routine[/caption]

 

Do you cringe when you hear the word “routine” in regard to babies? In the past strict rule-driven advice, particularly around sleep, has been associated with negative outcomes. That is not what we are encouraging any more. So if you love the idea of a baby routine you can stop feeling guilty!

 

When we talk about babies and routine people often have visions of strict time frames of when your baby will feed, sleep, bath, etc.   Really, a routine with your baby is more a pattern than a schedule. While it will certainly happen that sometimes you will do  the same thing with your baby at the same time, we’d prefer that you think of routines as patterns of activity rather than being held strictly to time. As your baby grows the timing will be more do able. However in the beginning, habits work better usually.

Why should you avoid a time based schedule for your baby?

 

Babies don’t know how to tell time!

 

If your expectation is to do the same thing every day at the same time with your baby, you may be setting yourself up for some unhappy and frustrating days. There will definitely be a few babies who are very laid back and fit into a time based pattern.  However it is our experience that this is the exception rather than the norm. Most times when you try to make your baby fit into a timeframe for your ideal day, the result is tears for both of you.

 

When we talk about a sleep routine  for your baby we are encouraging you to set up habits around sleep that create a predictable, familiar pattern for your baby rather than sticking to a strict time driven routine. Habits come about by doing the same thing over and over again. Most adults have developed habits around everything they do including washing, dressing, folding, packing, eating and yes even sleeping. Mostly we don’t even realise it.

 

Creating a sleep routine actually means setting up habits around sleep so that your baby knows that when you do certain things it is sleep time. When your expectation is shifted to a pattern of activity with some flexibility rather than a set time, your day usually flows better and life is easier.

Sleep training-Getting your baby to sleep using the pouch or sling

Baby sleep training-

Getting baby to sleep using the Pouch or sling

 

Baby sleep training is still one of the most controversial subjects for new parents. When parents use a pouch or sling in getting their baby to sleep, many from old school type of thinking  may caution that they are spoiling their baby or creating bad habits.

 

Is this really the case though?

[caption id="attachment_2460" align="alignleft" width="150"] sleeping baby[/caption]

 We know that babies love to be held, rocked, soothed, sung to and generally held.  They love the contact and closeness, the security and comfort feelings that it brings. Babies need these feelings for  survival, it is required. So why then are we so averse to giving this to babies when they need it most?

 When your baby feels secure, calm, safe, relaxed and content, he or she requires less of you emotionally and physically because they are ok. When your baby is out of sorts, feels “yucky” for some reason then he or she will require more of you to help him or her return to a calm, soothed and relaxed state.

At times, particularly when discussing infants sleep methods or baby sleep training, using a pouch or sling is often frowned upon. However, it is a very useful tool for helping your baby soothe and calm so that he or she can get the sleep needed to feel calm again. When your baby is overtired he or she needs help to get to sleep and then sometimes to stay asleep. Baby sleep training can play a role here without being strict and harsh and using the pouch in a positive way.

Most babies love being in the sling/pouch because they are near you and feel safe, secure and content. Certainly young babies love it as do their parents mostly.  It is a handy tool for soothing or when doing shopping or walking so that hands are free and baby is calmed.

If you do feel the need to do some baby sleep training in getting your baby to sleep, using the pouch or sling can still be a useful and positive tool to achieve your goals and will not necessarily spoil your baby.

Baby Sleeping -  Babies Who Don't Sleep

To enjoy your baby sleeping he or she must first get to sleep. Babies who don't sleep often either don't know how,  are not given the best opportunities to go to sleep or simply can't because of discomfort.

The good news is that this is all changeable with a little bit of knowledge.

Most of you who know me or have worked with me know that I am often talking about building sleep in babies who are overtired to help get their babies to sleep.  When we are discussing what is happening or not happening for sleep so we can work out what steps to take, the knowledge that sleep builds sleep often takes people by surprise.

 

All too often when we explore what has been trialled, I hear that they have tried everything including keeping their baby up longer hoping that it would completely tire him or her out and so sleep better. Unfortunately that is the exact opposite of what would be helpful.

 

To get good quality sleep, you need to be relaxed.  When any of us are overtired, we tend to have more difficulty going off to sleep. The same is true for your baby sleeping and also for your toddler.

 

When this idea is new to you , it can take a little while to get your head around.  For a lot of us it doesn’t seem to make to make sense.  Most people think that if any of us are over tired we will just go to sleep because we are exhausted.

 

At times this may appear true. Certainly there are many, many babies who do this every day.  They are so beyond overtired that they just crash, often after being awake for hours on end , beyond what they can cope with.  Most times, they are cranky and not happy when awake. Usually sleep will occur in waves with a few nights of problem sleep and then one or two nights of blissful sleep.  When good sleep is not sustained like this there is usually a problem of overtiredness.

 

Babies who don't sleep can become a baby sleeping peacefully and without fuss in most situations, once we work out what is and is not happening for your baby around sleep.

Healthy families and "toxic oil" and "poison sugar"

On a different note, I have been exploring the topics of “toxic oil” and “sugar is poison” ideas that have been floating around. I had wondered about them and finally got to read about it and look a little more closely at it.  After much reading, I think I have an idea of where they are coming from. At first I thought they were talking about all oil /fats and sugar full stop, however I now understand that they are talking about the processed ones that are not so good for us and may well have a large stake in our problems with obesity, diabetes, heart disease and cancers.  This makes more sense to me.

Why am I so interested?  I have always been interested in healthy living and eating. I love food and those who know me, know I love sweet stuff. I have a sweet tooth to rival any in the land.  I, and my siblings have never been physically sick from eating too much sweet or junk, ever. We were brought up eating healthy.  Junk food was limited  but we regularly had sweet treats- all home made. The thought of going without sweet food is very hard for me to accept.

I am often baffled by announcements in general media about certain new super foods that we absolutely must consume to live a healthy life and going into an organic shop is overwhelming for me. I feel  baffled by all the things in there that I have never heard of and supposedly should eat.  Don’t get me wrong, I am all for no pesticides and ethical and sustainable farming practices especially coming from a farming background. I am also into simplicity.

 This is a snippet of what I have learned.

Simple sugar is used by every cell in our body. This is glucose. Also known as dextrose.  Simple sugars are ok for us. Any processed sugars are not. Sucrose is not so good for us and any modified sugars are not good for us. Sugars are processed by the pancreas. The pancreas produces insulin.  There are many people with insulin resistance and more and more commonly I am seeing it in newborn babies in special care nursery with  insulin resistance or low blood sugars in the first few days of life and needing to be on a drip to help stabilise it.  This scares me- the fact that newborns are having trouble with blood sugar.  Something is amiss.

This all leads me towards the questions I have about why so many babies have reflux type symptoms as small babies.  Reflux in infants is often what we see and treat when it is food reaction but difficult at that age to identify. There is too much of it around and I still am confused  about why. So this also got me thinking about babies and unsettled tummies and food reactions.

So I continue on my search for understanding about unsettled infants. It is by no means a simple answer but there has to be one out there.

 Unprocessed, varied diets with plenty of protein, unprocessed fats and sugars, and plant foods is the best way to get on the right track.

Enter our March competition

Enter our March competition.

We are delighted to offer you the chance to win one of these gorgeous tutus this month. There are 5 colours to choose from

They are made by The fabulous Ruby Abbott this is her facebook page in case you would like to check them out more.

https://www.facebook.com/AliceRoseDesigns  .  All you have to do is comment on this blog post to win one. Sizes range from newborn to size 10.  Good luck . Enter now below.

[caption id="attachment_2421" align="alignleft" width="150"] White-girls-tutu[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2420" align="alignleft" width="150"] red-girls-tutu[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2419" align="alignleft" width="150"] candy-stripe-girls-tutu[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2417" align="alignleft" width="150"] Win-baby-pink-girls-tutu[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2418" align="alignleft" width="150"] yellow-girls-tutu[/caption]

 How do I get my 2 year old out of my bed?

 

[caption id="attachment_2359" align="alignleft" width="150"] older baby and toddler sleep[/caption]

At times I hear from a parent – how can I get my 2 years old out of my bed?

Sometimes parents find themselves in this position where when once having your little one in bed with you even for part of the night is now not as helpful as it once was.

Instead of everyone getting a good sleep, now it is just the opposite and no-one sleeps well anymore. However how do you change this situation? It is something that you just didn’t see coming.

 It all starts out beautifully.  You have  your baby and to make night time easier you bring your baby into your bed so you both  get sleep.   You don’t mind, it is a beautiful feeling-A nice warm little body snuggled up against you, both of you sleeping peacefully.  The reassurance of the  sweet, soft breath of your little one against your skin. It works for everyone.

 

 

Fast forward 2 years later and it may not be the case any more.  Your baby is bigger, more active  in the bed and getting is sleep is now almost impossible.  Any sleep you get is now broken for everyone, you and your little one are cranky and always overtired.

 

 

So what to do?

 

 

If your little one has been in your bed for a long time, then it will take time and the approach will depend on how you want to approach. You can  start with day sleep in their room, or start with night time in your bed then transfer to their bed.

 

 

Depending on their age talking  about any changes to come will help to ease the transition.  However it is realistic to expect your little one to protest loudly. The first 3-5 days will be the hardest and expect it to take up to 3 weeks to really cement.

 

 

Exactly how to do this will vary  depending on various factors including age of child, how long they have been in parents bed and whether they are over tired or not.

 

 

Of course if there is no problem  then there is no need to change anything.

 

 

How do I get my 2 year old out of my bed?- with patience, perseverance and persistence.