3 More Ways to Remain Calm When your Baby is Crying

3 More Ways to Remain Calm  When your Baby is Crying

Continuing on from last week's article about ways to remain calm when you baby is crying

4. Put your baby in the pram and go for a walk. Again, movement is often soothing and being out of your arms can be more relaxing for both of you.

5. Have a long, warm relaxing bath or shower together.  There is nothing more soothing than water. Often this calms everyone and breaks the cycle.

I have added this because it is important.

6.  Take of yourself with regular time outs and doing something just for you.   This should probably be number one- it’s a preventive action. When you do this well, it fills your bucket of give and those times when your baby needs lots of your give, you will have those extra reserves to help you through these really tough times.  Not caring for yourself will mean that your reserves are lower and it will take less for you to feel the stresses of having a baby.  It is important for every stage of our lives but particularly when we are caring for others daily.

Once your baby is calm again it is easier to be able to think back and try to work out what may have upset your baby.  Sometimes it won’t be obvious, sometimes it will.  If it is a regular occurrence it is worth seeing a health professional to rule out any medical cause. 
As time goes on your will be able to work through these times more quickly. Often when you go through your list and can’t find a reason , lack of sleep can be the answer.  

It is surprising how much sleep little ones need. And also a simple answer for unhappy babies in the absence of discomfort or hunger.

The most important thing to remain calm when your baby is crying

The most important thing to remain calm when your baby is crying

For most parents one of the most stressful times is when your baby is crying for what seems like hours and doesn’t seem to be stopping. This is particularly so when your baby is usually placid and happy, settling easily and this behaviour comes out of the blue.

 A myriad of thoughts often go through your mind including “is there something seriously wrong with my baby?”.  This is particularly so when your baby has been so calm and relaxed and this is out of character.  This is for many young babies, not just for new parents. 

Recently my neighbour who has baby number 5, yes 5, (and I don’t know how they do it and they are the quietest neighbours I have- go figure!!)  ( My other neighbour  has 2 and I hear them more – just normal kid noise- I am very fortunate to have very good neighbours).

I am waffling- any how- this neighbour with  her 5th baby, called me over just to bounce off what may be happening to make her baby cry uncontrollably for  the last few hours.  As you can imagine the mum was agitated and upset and just needed an objective view to help her think through the situation. Her baby is normally quiet and would settle pretty easily but this one evening she just wouldn’t/ probably couldn’t settle for whatever reason.  We had discussed that she  could be a little unwell- possibly teething. She had a mild temperature and didn’t feed as well that day and had rosy cheeks that she didn’t usually have and probably coupled with not having had a enough sleep also, was by now overtired. She settled to sleep while I was there which made her mum feel so much better.  Her mum visibly relaxed .  I didn’t do anything, just gave her a chance to talk it through.  Often this happens and it often happens that as the mum relaxes, the baby also relaxes a little more. The next day she was back to normal again.

Another friend of mine said to me that she had been talking with a group of mums and they were reminiscing about when their children were babies.  She said that she could see now that when she gave herself permission to relax and go with the flow, her previously unsettled baby became much more relaxed.  All in the group could now see, looking back on that time, that it was the same for them and the age at which they were able to do this varied.  For some their baby was 4 months, some 8 months and for my friend it was when her baby was 14 months of age.

The most important thing you can do to remain calm when everything seems to be going wrong is to

Take care of yourself with regular time outs and doing something just for you.

This should be number one thing you do- it’s a preventive action.  I understand that with a baby it is difficult.  I do encourage you to really consider it as a key tool to help you through the broken days and nights with little ones.

When you do this well, it fills your bucket of give and those times when your baby needs lots of your give, you will have those extra reserves to help you through these really tough times.  Not caring for yourself will mean that your reserves are lower and it will take less for you to feel the stresses of having a baby. 

 It is important for every stage of our lives but particularly when we are caring for others daily. It will help you remain calm when your baby is crying.

Remember you & it will help get your baby sleeping easier

Remember you

Remember you are you.  

When you have a baby it is easy to get caught up in being a mother.  

Afterall that is what your day to day is – being a mother, particularly in the first months.

Caring for a newborn is round the clock and as they get  more mature it drops off a little and you get a breather  now and then.

One of the most important things to remember for your self care is that you are still you. 

 You have taken on a new role as a mother, but you are still you and your needs and wants are still real and valid. Taking care of a newborn is constant.  One of the secrets to happy relaxed babies is a happy relaxed environment and parents.  This is why remembering you are you and taking care of you is important.

I often talk about self care with parents.  This links in to that. 

 We all need to have time out for us no matter where we are in life.  Taking time out even for 5 minutes  just gives us that breather to be able to take stock of our lot, be thankful for all the blessings we have and recharge enough to keep going doing all that we do.

Remembering you means that you also stop and check your feelings about life in general and if not happy with something, how can you change it so that it is better?

Remembering you means you can be a positive role model for your children and others in your network. It shows  and models self respect. When we show it to ourselves, others see it too.

No –one is perfect – not you and not me.  We are all trying our best to do what we do everyday as best we can and learn along the way.

So one of the biggest pieces of advice is remember you are still you.  Remember to take time for you- even if it is only 5 minutes everyday if possible, doing something you like to do.

You will appreciate it and so will your little ones -  and big ones. <3

TEACHING PATIENCE (2 of 3)

TEACHING PATIENCE (2 of 3)

2. Accept all offers of help.

Often times new parents feel like they “should” be able to manage everything that is associated with  coming home with a newborn baby.  They often see other parents who seemingly handle it all with ease,  grace and confidence.

An important fact is that all new parents feel like you.

Another important fact is that it takes a village to raise a child.  This is because caring for a baby particularly is a 24 hour a day job as we mentioned above

.

For this reason we ideally encourage you to have a relative or friend stay with you to help for at least the first 6 weeks.  Ideally the first 3 months of help would be even better.  Babies start to be less intensive from around the 12 weeks mark and new parents often find their parenting is becoming really enjoyable and easier around this time.

Accept all offers of help no matter how seemingly minor, even if it is from people you don’t know well, particularly, if they have been in your shoes.  It may be a neighbour, you don’t know well, who comes around with a lasagne for you out of the blue. Someone may offer to vacuum.

Accept any offers for them if not yourself. People feel good when they can help someone else. 

Look at the floods in recent years that were devastating in Brisbane & Bundaberg and the “mud army” that appeared.  People like to help.

The important point is that you aren’t expected to be able to do it all on your own in the beginning.

Go gently on yourself.  It will all fall into place in time.  Think of it as a brand new job with no manual, no boss and  no targets. 

 Ask for help and accept help. It may be hard to do in the beginning but it will get easier.

We all need help at some time with different things.

If you want to sound things past someone we are here to help insyncwithinfants.com

Are day time and night time really that different for baby sleep?

Does your baby seem to fight day sleep, refusing to nap?
Have you heard that you absolutely MUST make your baby’s day and night sleep very different so that he or she learns the difference between day and night sleep?
Have you tried to make day and night different and it is still not working?

 

Babies with mixed up sleeping patterns, partying all night and napping all day, are a common problem for new parents. I often hear new parents say they have to make day and night sleep different for the baby. They want their babies to know the difference between night and day to help everyone have a good, restful nights sleep.

If you are trying to make day and night sleep different for your baby - STOP!

Your energy is better spent in other ways.

 

You don’t need to do things differently for day and night sleep

Being consistent about sleep is more important. Sleep routines and sleep cues help to get your baby to sleep easily and in a more reliable pattern. Your baby already can tell there is a difference between day and night just from different noises and noise levels, activity levels, light and dark and temperature to name a few.You already do things differently at night to day. There is no need to make a bigger issue out of it.

 

Have you heard these common myths about day sleep, naps and night sleep?
- She is sleeping too much! That’s why she doesn’t sleep at night!
- He won’t sleep because he’s bored! You need to wear him out during the day!

 

These baby sleep myths need to be busted. Your baby needs lots of good day sleep to sleep well at night. Babies don’t get bored, but they do get overstimulated easily. Both of these myths lead to overtired, overstimulated babies who don’t sleep well at night. Understanding sleep will help when well meaning friends and relatives offer this kind of advice to improve your baby’s sleep.
Learn more about Baby Sleep Click here

Best time to think about routines or habits for healthy baby sleep

Best time to think about routines or habits

[caption id="attachment_2460" align="alignleft" width="150"] sleeping baby[/caption]

Best time to think about routines or habits is once you get over the newborn adjustment phase and things are starting to settle down a little. For most new parents this is anywhere between about 3 and 8 weeks. For some it is even longer. There is no blanket right time for anyone- just when is right for you.

 
When I say think about , that is what I mean,- just start thinking about it. What is it you want for your routine in your day and what do you need for that to happen- realistically.

 
Of course we’d all love to have the nanny, cook, cleaner and general helper. Wouldn’t that be great- just like all those famous people do. Even if you could have just one of these just for one or two hours a week or month may be the answer for you.

 
It is individual so please don’t feel pressured into getting a routine as a lot of new parents do. This usually comes from well meaning others and is usually their way of trying to be supportive, show their interest and be helpful.

 
Most babies fall into a routine as you both fall into a pattern and learn about each other. For sleep, once the startle reflex has disappeared, it is more realistic to expect any routine to fall into place. Some will establish a routine as early as 3 months and sometimes sooner, others will take longer. Generally, the best time to really help your baby into routines or habits is between the ages of about 4 to 6 or 7 months of age.

 
Remember they are very clever little beings with skills and abilities that surprise us.

Healthy sleep habits

[caption id="attachment_2114" align="alignleft" width="150"] Early tired signs[/caption]

 

We have already talked about habits or routines. There are routines for bathing, feeding, changing and sleep to name a few. Mostly everything we do has developed into a pattern of activities whether you realise it or not.

It is possible to start developing helpful sleep habits from early days home from hospital. Most parents find this easier to do with second or third baby just because with the first one it is such a huge change to your daily life that trying to do this from day one is quite overwhelming.

 

Flexibility  and consistency is key. Generally if you have an idea of what you’d like  your baby’s sleep habits to be from birth that is great. If you remain flexible with it but still have the main goal in mind you will get there.

 

Newborns are immature and all sorts of things affect them- some we don’t even realise. Expecting your baby to fit into your idea of what he or she should do at any given time will probably end up in tears.

 

Healthy sleep habits are those that fit in with natural principles of sleep, are respectful of individuals and are activity based rather than strict and rigid.  It includes choice of bedding and sleep clothing, the environment for your baby to sleep in and timing of sleep so your baby is as relaxed as possible to go off to sleep rather than over tired, overwhelmed, over stimulated and cranky and so needing a lengthy time to unwind before going to sleep.

 

Healthy sleep habits often mean the difference between peaceful, restful sleep  resulting in a relaxed happy baby and a cranky baby who struggles with sleep every time. When your baby is relaxed and happy often so is everyone else.

Sleep associations & healthy baby sleep

Sleep associations

 

[caption id="attachment_2523" align="alignleft" width="150"] healthy baby sleep[/caption]

 

When we talk about healthy sleep, how sleep works and how to maximise sleep for anyone not only your baby, knowing about sleep associations is an important part of it all.  Knowing about sleep associations will help you trouble shoot sleep problems and get you the sleep you are after.

Sleep associations come into play in light sleep states. Generally if what was happening when you  went to sleep isn’t happening in light sleep, you will usually wake up because the trigger for sleep isn’t there any more. This is a sleep association.

Basically the thing that is associated with sleep usually needs to be there  at light sleep to give that signal that it is still sleep time. Remember light sleep is usually just a lighter consciousness ideally, Not a complete wake up.

For your baby the same applies.  This is often one of the main reasons that  your baby may at times wake up after a short time and need help to get back to sleep again.

Once your baby knows about sleep  this is not such a big factor. When learning about sleep it is a bigger influence.

Sleep associations can be termed helpful or unhelpful. As long as they are working they are helpful. When they are not, they are unhelpful.  Sleep associations can start out being helpful and then change into being unhelpful after a time.  As your baby grows and matures what once was helpful may become unhelpful. This is how some sleep difficulties inadvertently come around.

 

Young babies will usually require a number of  things to help him or her sleep. When you use a number of things for sleep some of them may eventually be unhelpful and some will always remain helpful.  If there are a few associations we can wean off the unhelpful ones when they are no longer helpful. In this way you still have helpful ones so you are not trying to start something new at a time that is stressful for everyone.

Night time routine

Night time routine

[caption id="attachment_2188" align="alignleft" width="150"] night time sleep routine[/caption]

 

Most new parents find their baby’s night time wakings a rude shock to the system.  They quickly find out that the tiredness you experience as a parent is very different to the tiredness you feel as a partying young adult with no children. As a parent there is no night off, and no sleep in the next day either! Think about going out partying late into the night every night and then getting up to go to work and trying to perform at your job - every day. You would probably not be looking, feeling or performing at your best.  Sleep deprivation can impact on your mood, health, judgement, decision making and so many other important skills. Any parent will tell you there are no days off, so it is essential to minimise the disruption to a good night’s sleep.

 

Babies are immature little beings who wake at night for any number of reasons, importantly they need night feeds until around six months of age. We understand this and accept it.  You can streamline night time wakings by developing night time habits that assist everyone to go back to sleep easier.

 

Five top tips to minimise night time waking:

 

1. Swaddling - Swaddling newborns if they are in their own cot or bassinet is the number one tool to help babies sleep at night.  This would be our most important habit to use to help your night time get better.

 

2.  Low lights - Only turn on the light if you really need to. Keep lights down low so that you keep baby as drowsy as possible so that he or she hopefully settles easily at the end of the feed.

 

3. Avoid changes -  Only change nappy if you need to. If you are using disposables be aware they are designed to soak up a lot of fluid. Your may be able to go all night comfortably without a change.

 

4. Quiet - Use a gentle, calm, soft and quiet voice and keep talking to a minimum.

 

5. Avoid play time at night -   Remember just because your baby is ready for play doesn’t mean you have to play with them. Let your baby play if he or she wants- you don’t have to join in. There is plenty of opportunity to play during the day. By reducing stimulation it encourages your baby to settle back to sleep easier.
There are a number of habits you can employ to foster a helpful nighttime routine. These top tips are a great place to start. For more information get one of our resources here-    http://insyncwithinfants.com/baby-sleep/

What is a sleep routine?

[caption id="attachment_2513" align="alignleft" width="150"] What is a sleep routine[/caption]

 

Do you cringe when you hear the word “routine” in regard to babies? In the past strict rule-driven advice, particularly around sleep, has been associated with negative outcomes. That is not what we are encouraging any more. So if you love the idea of a baby routine you can stop feeling guilty!

 

When we talk about babies and routine people often have visions of strict time frames of when your baby will feed, sleep, bath, etc.   Really, a routine with your baby is more a pattern than a schedule. While it will certainly happen that sometimes you will do  the same thing with your baby at the same time, we’d prefer that you think of routines as patterns of activity rather than being held strictly to time. As your baby grows the timing will be more do able. However in the beginning, habits work better usually.

Why should you avoid a time based schedule for your baby?

 

Babies don’t know how to tell time!

 

If your expectation is to do the same thing every day at the same time with your baby, you may be setting yourself up for some unhappy and frustrating days. There will definitely be a few babies who are very laid back and fit into a time based pattern.  However it is our experience that this is the exception rather than the norm. Most times when you try to make your baby fit into a timeframe for your ideal day, the result is tears for both of you.

 

When we talk about a sleep routine  for your baby we are encouraging you to set up habits around sleep that create a predictable, familiar pattern for your baby rather than sticking to a strict time driven routine. Habits come about by doing the same thing over and over again. Most adults have developed habits around everything they do including washing, dressing, folding, packing, eating and yes even sleeping. Mostly we don’t even realise it.

 

Creating a sleep routine actually means setting up habits around sleep so that your baby knows that when you do certain things it is sleep time. When your expectation is shifted to a pattern of activity with some flexibility rather than a set time, your day usually flows better and life is easier.

Heating rooms in winter for snuggly baby sleep

Heating

[caption id="attachment_2188" align="alignleft" width="150"] safe winter sleep[/caption]

 
Heating rooms in winter to take the chill off the air is a common practice for many parents and is also a common dilemma for many. This is mostly to keep the babies room at a constant temperature in an effort to ensure baby sleeps through the night. It is also nicer for the person going to the baby in the middle of the night if the room is a little warmer.
Is it necessary? In Australia - No.

Not unless you live somewhere where the temperature is constantly low and the building you are in is always cold.

 

Many avid campers go camping in cold weather and manage a baby well with appropriate clothing and layering.

 

Even though the air temperature may be low, if your baby is rugged up in swaddles and blankets and appropriate clothing there may be no need to heat the room.
If you do decide to heat the room, we would encourage you just to take the chill off the air not to heat it to a tropical summer island holiday type of temperature. Different seasons offer us different positives and experiences. Winter is no different. It is up to us to adapt.
Enclosed heating devices or reverse cycle air conditioners are the most preferred heating appliances mostly from a safety perspective and also from an energy efficiency consideration.
Heating a room using any means usually has the effect of dehydrating the room and anything in the room. People will often notice potplants needing a little more water. Adults will also notice that they are more thirsty or may even feel like they are hung over if the heating is too high and causes dehydration.

 

Something as simple as putting a bowl of cold water in the room that is heated may help towards stabilising the moisture content in the room.
Babies can easily dehydrate and if you are using even low level heating , may be a little more thirsty and may want to feed for a little longer or have an extra feed. It is realistic to expect this however it may not be noticeable.

 

If you do decide to heat the room in winter for snuggly baby sleep, I hope these ideas will help you.

Swaddling and blankets

[caption id="attachment_2506" align="alignleft" width="150"] snugly winter sleep[/caption]

 

 

Now that winter is here are you thinking - to swaddle or not to swaddle? How can I keep my wiggly baby warm and safe? Are blankets better and warmer than swaddling? Do you need to change what you are doing?

 

 

There is no need to change what you are doing if it is working for you. Remember this Insync with Infants mantra, “there is no problem unless it is a problem for you”. This is our standard advice with anything- if it isn’t broke, then don’t fix it!

 

 

Young babies under three months of age usually respond well to swaddling. We would continue this for as long as it is helpful. Generally a newborns startle reflex disappears around three months of age and any time after that that swaddling may not be as magical. It doesn’t mean you have to stop swaddling though. There are many seven, nine or even 12 month old babies who still enjoy being swaddled for sleep even though they may wiggle out of the swaddle before they go to sleep. For others babies swaddling may not have been helpful from a much younger age.

 

 

So, swaddle or blanket? Personal preference really. I personally think babies are warmer swaddled. They can have a number of layers of swaddling or have a swaddle and then a couple of layers of blankets over them and tucked under the mattress to keep them extra toasty. Blankets that are tucked under the edges of the mattress usually provide a little more warmth than if edges are not tucked.

 

 

It is equally ok to have just blankets. Blankets and swaddles should be made of natural breathable fibres. A number of layers of thinner fabrics works better and is warmer than one or two thick layers. Man-made synthetic fibres are generally not as warm as natural fibres that trap a layer of air next to the skin and keep the warmth next to our body more stable. Thinner layers also protect against overheating (a SIDS risk) by being breathable.

 

 

If your baby is in your bed with you a sleeping bag or blankets is better from a safety point of view than swaddling. When your baby is in your bed with you he or she gets warmth from you and generally stay warmer at a more steady temperature than if in their own cot or bassinet.

 

For most parents a combination of swaddling and blankets works well to help babies sleeping through the night in winter.

 

Follow Insync with Infants on Facebook for more tips and hints on great baby sleep in winter.

PS. Join our webinar Wednesday 18th JUne-8pm-   "Layering for warmth- best options for snuggly sleep". Click here to register-

https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/layering-for-warmth-best-options-for-snuggly-sleep-tickets-11914575817

 

snugly winter sleep

Safe sleep in winter

[caption id="attachment_2188" align="alignleft" width="150"] safe winter sleep[/caption]

Many new parents worry about safe sleep in winter.

Is baby too hot? Too cold? Is she/he at risk of smothering or SIDS? There are so many ideas, tips and old wives tales out there that it can be confusing. Babies who don’t sleep well with the onset of cooler weather may be too hot or too cold. No surprises there, but how do you make sure your baby is snug and warm, not too hot and safe as well?
If your baby is too cold, he or she may just not settle and get into as deep a sleep as usual. He or she may wake a bit more frequently than usual. You may find feeding is a little more frequent as they attempt to get warmth from feeding (warm milk)and a cuddle.
IF too hot, an older baby will become sweaty and possibly cranky. A newborn usually doesn’t sweat and has limited ability to create warmth. He or she will become very red looking and cranky and will feel very hot.
Your baby’s head is a large surface area that is used for temperature regulation when too hot particularly. Your baby’s hands and feet can be a little cool and not be a problem. Hands and feet also have a large surface area to help with cooling if too hot. Usually as long as their torso feels toasty that is the main guide for warmth.

 

Safe winter sleep guidelines:

• Use breathable, natural fibre clothing and bedding, preferably fire retardant. ( natural fibers like cotton and wool are also warmer)
• Dressing and wrapping baby in layers of thinner fabrics is much more effective than using one or two thick layers
• Keep open flames or heating elements well away from curtains or where blankets may fall on them
• Always supervise when any heating device is in use around little ones
• Expect your baby to be a little more thirsty if the room is warmed

 

 

When the weather cools down the idea of snuggling in bed with your baby is even more attractive. However, with our knowledge of SIDS, many parents are scared of having their baby in their bed with them in case they roll on them or endanger them in some way. But with those uncomfortable cold winter nights where no-one wants to get out from under their covers the temptation to have your baby in bed with you, even for the last sleep stint before you get up in the morning, can be really enticing. In fact, many parents inadvertently fall asleep at that last feed of the night and wake up in the morning thinking, “Oh, I wasn’t going to do that.”
If you do find your baby in bed with you there are things you can do to minimise risks to your baby and ensure your shared bed is a safe sleep space. Make sure that:
• Your baby is on top of your covers and has his or her own bed clothes( a sleeping bag works really well)
• Your mattress or bedding is firm
• Only one adult is responsible for the safety and wellbeing of your baby
• Your baby is in bed with safe sleepers – no one affected by sleeping tablets, drugs or alcohol
If you plan on co-sleeping with your baby, or just end up co-sleeping as the weather cools down, be sure to read my article on co-sleeping here safe sleep space  for more tips.
Hopefully these tips will help you get your baby sleeping through the night with this onset of colder weather.

 

Safe sleep in winter is just as important as any other time.

Need more help with your baby’s sleep?  Purchase my baby sleep ebook HERE  or  if you want to find out how to enjoy awesome days and blissful nights with your baby  go here   to find out more.

 

Baby Sleeping AND have a Social Life that Works!!

Having your baby sleeping and having a social life is one of the things that seems impossible to new parents. Suddenly their ideas about what life with a new baby would be like is shattered with reality.

What they once thought would be easy; “it’s a baby, how hard can it be? They are so little, surely it’s not that hard?”, is not so easy in reality. The idea of getting out of the house with their baby often seems overwhelming.
Questions come up like: Is it ok to go out with my baby?
When should I go out?
How long is ok to stay out?
Should I just stay at home?
How do I breast/bottle feed/ get baby to sleep when we’re out?
How will I know if my baby is ok with going out?

It is not impossible. Here a few tips to help.

 

1. Take Baby steps.

When you first go out, make it a very short trip. Perhaps to a friend or family nearby. Then perhaps to the shops for bread and milk or something simple that won’t take long. Perhaps meet up with a friend for coffee. Build on longer outings as you gain your confidence.

2.  Wait until you are ready.

There is no timeline for when you have to go out with your baby. Most new parents go out with someone else to start with. Usually we encourage you to wait until you feel more confident with feeding and handling your baby. Get comfortable with the basics first, then consider going solo in public with your baby.

3. Practice at home before you go.

Practice putting your baby in the capsule and the capsule in and out of the car. Practice getting the pram in and out of the car and unfolding the pram so that when you are out you are confident with the mechanical things.

 

These ideas will hopefully help on your way to getting out with your baby. Having a baby sleeping will be easier when you can see your baby sleeping patterns. Once you can get your baby sleeping better then a social life is easily sustained that will benefit your baby too.

Baby sleeping problems- Reflux and babies who don’t sleep.

 

 

Reflux is so very common these days. I have difficulty believing that it is normal for so many babies to be in such discomfort. I have to say I can’t believe mother nature would make so many babies have this uncomfortable thing on purpose. Especially when it causes so many sleep problems in babies.

[caption id="attachment_2319" align="alignleft" width="150"] Baby sleeping problems[/caption]

Reflux occurs when the acid contents of the baby’s stomach wash up in to the baby’s oesophagus. Sometimes babies vomit often and particularly around feeding times. For others there is no vomiting but the symptoms of discomfort are very obvious. These include back arching and crying, sometimes being very rigid in their body, coughing or swallowing after feeds and needing to be upright most of the time.

 
I do believe it is an affliction of our modern life. I intend absolutely no blame here. Medical professionals, mums, therapists, healers, myself- all are doing our best in the way we know how to help mums and families not only manage a baby in distress from reflux, but also to look at ways to avoid it.

 
For those families experiencing reflux, you know that sleep is a scarce commodity and a precious one as a result. Any baby who is in some discomfort will have difficulty with sleep. Catnaps are common and also for sleeping against mum or dad’s chest , usually because being upright is more comfortable than lying horizontal. The problem with this is that mum or dad become exhausted because they are constantly holding their baby. In times gone by when families we’re closer, there would have been another pair of arms to help but in our modern ways when families are often geographically distant it all falls to the few and they quickly become drained and exhausted,thus causing a viscious cycle of tiredness, emotional responses rather than objective clear thinking.

 
In all families experiencing reflux, using posture and possibly different milks is the first line of intervention. With breastfeeding, we’d look at dietary tweaks as a way to help reduce or avoid reflux as a possible option. It is not easy and does take time. Medication and more intensive medical therapies is always secondary and surgery a last resort when other things fail.
Osteopathy or chiropractics may be helpful also.

 
Pre biotics and pro biotics are also mentioned as being useful. Pre biotics are the specific simple sugars that feed the probiotics. Probiotics are the good bacteria that live in the gut and help to break down food adequately.

 
Often in babies with “reflux”- the gut “health” is impaired. All of you in tune with food and our bodies are already aware of the types of foods/herbs that repair gut health. In some it may take a little longer to repair. And for those babies who have a more complex problem that is more than this, it won’t be the only answer either.

 
Reflux may be a very real problem in babies who don’t sleep. For those experiencing baby sleeping problems, whether your baby has reflux as a cause is worth considering.

Baby sleeping

 

Baby sleeping all night-Does your baby’s personality affect sleep in babies who don’t sleep?
Parents struggling with their baby not sleeping all night often wonder if their baby’s personality is part of the cause.

 

Afterall, amongst adults there are varying amounts of sleep per night that are considered normal or adequate for effective functioning.
Often I hear parents say out loud maybe it’s my baby’s personality that makes my baby one who doesn’t sleep. My response is yes , personality can absolutely be a part of your baby’s good or not so good sleep. The good news is that we can always build habits/ routines around sleep so that they all get what they need for sleep.

 
My biggest babies sleeping tip is to follow their lead. If you can follow what your baby needs from you at each point in the day, you can’t go wrong. The tricky bit is working out what that is and timing it right too. This may sound impossible or hard work at the least, however once you are aware of what to look for and are aware of what is reasonable for their developmental ability it becomes much easier. You as a parent don’t have to do the research into this because, guess what, it has all been done for you. Over the previous 50-100 years researchers have been watching, documenting and comparing behaviours, needs and responses for decades all so that it can become easier for you.

 
Afterall if it is easier for you to look after your baby, both you and your baby are going to be happier, you as a parent will enjoy the experience more, feel more confident and empowered and have a stronger relationship with your baby. Stronger family relationships mean stronger community relationships and the snow ball effect from there means greater self esteem, prosperity and country health and wellbeing.
Got off on a tangent. Coming back to the point. Yes your baby’s personality does have an effect on sleep but not to the effect where he or she is overtired all the time from lack of sleep. Your baby may not need as much sleep as another however each and every one of us, your baby included, needs a certain amount to function effectively and feel calm and relaxed.

 

This is the most important bit. If your baby has only 10 hours sleep in a 24 hour period and is calm relaxed and thriving, all good. However if your baby gets 16 hours and is still cranky, upset and needy a little more sleep may make a big difference, even 1 hour can make a big impact.

 

Babies who don’t sleep and babies who sleep all night can both be affected by personality, however the amount of time spent by your baby sleeping needs to be suitable to him or her as an individual.
.

Sleep training-Getting your baby to sleep using the pouch or sling

Baby sleep training-

Getting baby to sleep using the Pouch or sling

 

Baby sleep training is still one of the most controversial subjects for new parents. When parents use a pouch or sling in getting their baby to sleep, many from old school type of thinking  may caution that they are spoiling their baby or creating bad habits.

 

Is this really the case though?

[caption id="attachment_2460" align="alignleft" width="150"] sleeping baby[/caption]

 We know that babies love to be held, rocked, soothed, sung to and generally held.  They love the contact and closeness, the security and comfort feelings that it brings. Babies need these feelings for  survival, it is required. So why then are we so averse to giving this to babies when they need it most?

 When your baby feels secure, calm, safe, relaxed and content, he or she requires less of you emotionally and physically because they are ok. When your baby is out of sorts, feels “yucky” for some reason then he or she will require more of you to help him or her return to a calm, soothed and relaxed state.

At times, particularly when discussing infants sleep methods or baby sleep training, using a pouch or sling is often frowned upon. However, it is a very useful tool for helping your baby soothe and calm so that he or she can get the sleep needed to feel calm again. When your baby is overtired he or she needs help to get to sleep and then sometimes to stay asleep. Baby sleep training can play a role here without being strict and harsh and using the pouch in a positive way.

Most babies love being in the sling/pouch because they are near you and feel safe, secure and content. Certainly young babies love it as do their parents mostly.  It is a handy tool for soothing or when doing shopping or walking so that hands are free and baby is calmed.

If you do feel the need to do some baby sleep training in getting your baby to sleep, using the pouch or sling can still be a useful and positive tool to achieve your goals and will not necessarily spoil your baby.

Baby Sleeping -  Babies Who Don't Sleep

To enjoy your baby sleeping he or she must first get to sleep. Babies who don't sleep often either don't know how,  are not given the best opportunities to go to sleep or simply can't because of discomfort.

The good news is that this is all changeable with a little bit of knowledge.

Most of you who know me or have worked with me know that I am often talking about building sleep in babies who are overtired to help get their babies to sleep.  When we are discussing what is happening or not happening for sleep so we can work out what steps to take, the knowledge that sleep builds sleep often takes people by surprise.

 

All too often when we explore what has been trialled, I hear that they have tried everything including keeping their baby up longer hoping that it would completely tire him or her out and so sleep better. Unfortunately that is the exact opposite of what would be helpful.

 

To get good quality sleep, you need to be relaxed.  When any of us are overtired, we tend to have more difficulty going off to sleep. The same is true for your baby sleeping and also for your toddler.

 

When this idea is new to you , it can take a little while to get your head around.  For a lot of us it doesn’t seem to make to make sense.  Most people think that if any of us are over tired we will just go to sleep because we are exhausted.

 

At times this may appear true. Certainly there are many, many babies who do this every day.  They are so beyond overtired that they just crash, often after being awake for hours on end , beyond what they can cope with.  Most times, they are cranky and not happy when awake. Usually sleep will occur in waves with a few nights of problem sleep and then one or two nights of blissful sleep.  When good sleep is not sustained like this there is usually a problem of overtiredness.

 

Babies who don't sleep can become a baby sleeping peacefully and without fuss in most situations, once we work out what is and is not happening for your baby around sleep.

New Mama Self Care

 

Working out whether you are being selfish or merely anew mama self caring can be confusing and  something that causes many some angst.  This is a challenge for all of us but especially those caring for others, and parents are doing that 24 hours a day to more than one other.

 

The “right” thing to do, or the “nice” thing to do is to be there for others, put others first,etc.   This is great however no one ever told me that to be able to be at your best to, give others your best,  you have to put yourself first at times. That is something I have learned in more recent years and have found it to be so very true.  I have become happier from it too.  I certainly notice the difference in me, my reactions particularly, when I have had time for me to do my thing just for me.  Even for a snippet of time compared to what  I used to.

 

There is no point giving, giving, giving when you have nothing left in the tank to enjoy.  Life is meant to be a balance.  In order to enjoy giving, we also need to enjoy receiving. It is a two way street. Think how good you feel when you give to others.  Is it right to deny that feeling for someone else?

 

Parents particularly seem to feel a greater burden of putting themselves second behind their children.  While to an extent this may be necessary  in some aspects, there still needs to be some room for self care.



It is also ok to want to have time out from your baby. It is important to have time out from your baby. It doesn’t make you a bad mother or that you don’t love your baby. Quite the opposite.  It means that you love your baby so much that you want to give him or her the best of you.  The best way to do that is to take care of you.  Most women feel selfish if they think this way.  It is not selfish just self care.  If you take care of you, you will take care of your baby better purely because you are not so drained.  You need to fill your bucket as much as the next person and especially now that you are giving so much of yourself to your baby. Remember you are a person in your own right and not only a mother now.  Remember you and honour you.

 

Try to have a break from your baby everyday.  Find one thing to be thankful for everyday.

 

Take time out from your baby as soon as you can.  Go for a short walk to the end of the street, around the block.   Have a long shower.  Have a coffee with your feet up. Do it. Do it every day. Leave your baby with your partner- he or she will manage.  5 minutes may be all you can manage to start with. Build on that each week. Talk with your partner about what’s important as far as settling strategies etc and then trust them- you know you can. You being upset doesn’t help anyone.

 

We can’t expect others to respect us and help us if we don’t respect our selves. Part of self respect is self care.  Besides, no-one enjoys being with someone who is so exhausted and unhappy that they are cranky and not fun to be around.

 

So are you giving your best?  If you are not getting some time out from your day to day activities with some fun, chances are that your best is yet to come.