Help with sleeping- a case study

Help with sleeping - a case study

 

Here is another story of a happy customer who asked me for help with sleeping and their baby.

 Harriet is 7 weeks. She is breastfed and feeds whenever she desires. Her mum is happy with this.  Harriet also sleeps fairly well and her mum helps her with this most times.  On the rare occasion she will go to sleep on her own and sleep for a up to 2-3 hours.  At night, she wakes every 2-3 hours for a feed.

Lack of sleep

While Harriet’s mum is happy to do this and to do whatever Harriets requires from her, she is feeling like she is running out of energy and is questioning how long she can continue with this practice and especially her own lack of sleep.  Harriet’s mum is thinking that she will grow out of it one day and not need help with sleeping any more. This may be the case and while there is no problem for mum or bub there is no problem. Harriet’s mum is thinking ahead and looking for ideas to avoid problems later.

Healthy attachment

Harriet’s dad  works long hours  and is often away with work for days at a time.  Their extended family live overseas and all their friends also have young babies so are limited in how much help they can offer.

Harriet’s mum and I had a long discussion about what she is doing now, the benefits and limitations and how Harriet’s mum feels about all this.  She has read widely in her pregnancy and is committed to parenting their child in a calm, nurturing and loving household. Her goal is to build a strong and healthy attachment with Harriet. She is concerned that if Harriet does not need her for help with sleeping that this somehow interferes with her attachment and that the bonds will not be strong.

Babies are clever

We discussed babies’ abilities, how they are programmed, their needs and wants. We discussed how sleep works as well - cues, cycles, needs and associations. We also discussed the partnership between mothers and babies and then with fathers how that works as well. We discussed that mothers also have needs and that to give Harriet the very best it is important to recognise how she is feeling, acknowledge it and work how to balance her needs with Harriets’,  remembering that the needs of both are as important.

Sleep cues

Harriet kindly displayed sleep cues and also her ability to self settle very happily while I was there which gave her mum confidence and belief that self settling is not necessarily a negative for her or Harriet.  Mum had the opportunity to recognise Harriet’s cues with my guidance and this helped her feel more confident about what Harriet really needed not what Mum thought she needed.

Sleep in the bigger picture

With more understanding of the bigger picture and respect  for everybody, Harriet’s mum is feeling more in tune with her needs and is working towards practices that support both of them. Harriet is now self settling daily. Harriet’s mum helps her when necessary but also gives her the opportunity to settle for sleep on her own.  She is feeding a lot better simply because she is more rested and with better feeding, comes better sleep- it is a cycle that feeds on itself. Night time has been Harriet’s mums biggest surprise.  Harriet now only wakes once a night for a feed and easily goes back to sleep, waking.

For your results like this contact us at leisa@insyncwithinfants.com

Teaching Patience (3)

Teaching Patience

3. Relax about the cleanliness  and tidiness of the house.

A common concern for new mothers is to be able to do as much in the house when you have the baby as you were able to before the baby came along. For most women, prior to the baby’s arrival, they were at work full time. Of course they managed to run a house and keep it clean and everything else that goes with it and hold down a full time job.

A common thought is “I’ll be home all day. I’ll probably get bored. Of course I’ll be able to do everything”.

How much time caring for a baby takes up can be surprising. Even when others inform you of how it was for them, it can seem unreal that this little person takes up so much time, energy and patience. Often times you will feel like you are doing nothing but holding them. 

This is an important part of caring for a newborn. It is the crux of their care. 

Newborns are building trust and cuddling them is part of it. 

Feeding also takes a long time initially. As time goes on, they get more mature and you develop a system or routine, it does take less time.

Some women have a plan of doing one thing a day. This might be to vacuum the lounge on Monday, Wash on Tuesday, do the bathroom on Wednesday etc.

Others elect to get a cleaner once a week, fortnight or once a month even just to do the basics.

Of course if friends or family offer to help out with this we encourage to take them up on the offer.

For extra tips visit insyncwithinfants.com

TEACHING PATIENCE (2 of 3)

TEACHING PATIENCE (2 of 3)

2. Accept all offers of help.

Often times new parents feel like they “should” be able to manage everything that is associated with  coming home with a newborn baby.  They often see other parents who seemingly handle it all with ease,  grace and confidence.

An important fact is that all new parents feel like you.

Another important fact is that it takes a village to raise a child.  This is because caring for a baby particularly is a 24 hour a day job as we mentioned above

.

For this reason we ideally encourage you to have a relative or friend stay with you to help for at least the first 6 weeks.  Ideally the first 3 months of help would be even better.  Babies start to be less intensive from around the 12 weeks mark and new parents often find their parenting is becoming really enjoyable and easier around this time.

Accept all offers of help no matter how seemingly minor, even if it is from people you don’t know well, particularly, if they have been in your shoes.  It may be a neighbour, you don’t know well, who comes around with a lasagne for you out of the blue. Someone may offer to vacuum.

Accept any offers for them if not yourself. People feel good when they can help someone else. 

Look at the floods in recent years that were devastating in Brisbane & Bundaberg and the “mud army” that appeared.  People like to help.

The important point is that you aren’t expected to be able to do it all on your own in the beginning.

Go gently on yourself.  It will all fall into place in time.  Think of it as a brand new job with no manual, no boss and  no targets. 

 Ask for help and accept help. It may be hard to do in the beginning but it will get easier.

We all need help at some time with different things.

If you want to sound things past someone we are here to help insyncwithinfants.com

TEACHING PATIENCE (1 of 3)

TEACHING PATIENCE (1 of 3)

How to cope when nothing seems to be working!

Something I get asked often by new parents is how to cope with  a new baby when everyone is exhausted and crying. This is a normal situation for most new parents at some stage. 

 The good news is it doesn’t last long and soon you will have things down pat.

Take comfort in the knowledge that it is almost a rite of passage as a new parent.  You are not the only one to have felt like this. 

 It’s a fact- most new parents feel overwhelmed and lost when going home for the first time with their new baby.

And to make matters worse, they feel an overwhelming pressure to be perfect parents and get it “right”. This pressure will more than likely come up for you a number of times at different times as your baby grows. Remember it is all normal and working out what works for you is the key. Here is our first tips to help you stay calm and cope with those really difficult times. The next ones will follow over the next few weeks.

Here is the first tip to help you when things just don’t seem to be going your way.

1. Remember your self care- have time out just for you.

This is my number one rule – not even a tip, for new parents particularly but important no matter who you are.

Remember that you are a person too. Before you became a parent you had interests and hobbies. You did things just for yourself. It is healthy for everyone if you continue to do something for just yourself regularly. A baby is a 24 hour a day job. Imagine if you had to perform in your job 24 hours a day , 7 days a week, year in , year out. You would be exhausted and probably not very effective at your job. 

You will be a better parent if you take time out for yourself regularly. It may not be the same activities or the same amount of time that you spend on your activities  as before you became a parent.  

It is still important however that you do it. Even if it is only 5 mins a day, half an hour a week or once a month. It may be going for a walk around the block, going window shopping, having a coffee with a friend, reading a book from the library for 15 mins or just having a relaxing bath.

You will be a better more effective parent if you have time out from your baby and get some me time. You will probably enjoy your baby even more too and be able to think more clearly about what your baby needs from you and respond more calmly and appropriately. 

For more tips visit our website here insyncwithinfants.com.

Looking after you is looking after your baby

Self Settling- What it is, what it isn't and more.

Self Settling- What it is, what it isn't and more.

Are you feeling guilty about teaching your little one to self settle? 

Perhaps you are feeling confused and confounded by all the talk about  self settling, how to do it and what not to do , how to not harm your little one while doing it. 

Are you feeling conflicted over why don't you want to cuddle your baby?

For or against self settling?

Self settling has long been a topic that has people swear by it and those who really are not a fan of it.  There are arguments for and against everything.  For example,  some say give kiwifruit for first foods.  Others say don't give kiwifruit as first foods.  Both statements are right.  Kiwifruit will agree with some and not others.  So obviously those it doesn't agree with, shouldn't have it.  Those that it does agree with can have it.

Self Settling is...

Self settling is when your baby goes to sleep most times on their own without needing you to do anything for them and without needing any other props to go to sleep such as a dummy.  Most babies can self settle at times and there certainly are certain circumstances that makes self settling more likely.  Things such as catching early tired signs and giving an environment that is more conducive to sleep. Your baby’s personality  is another factor in self settling. Some babies need to have the security of a parent for longer than others.

Find the right way for you

As with most things, it is individual. I think if it is something that seems to resonate with you then perhaps it will suit.  It is worth investigating.  Even for peace of mind.

Read widely, ask people who know, talk with your immediate circle of peers and those you trust in advice about caring for your little one.

As with everything particularly now with information sharing so frequent and world wide, trying to find your way through can be really difficult.

If you decide it is not for you that is fine. Remember there is not one right way.  Just the right way for you.

If not- continue doing what you are doing for as long as it suits.

Decide for yourself whether self settling is something that suits your family.  Remember we all have different backgrounds, personalities, experiences, values and histories. Please be mindful that we are all doing our very best with what we have and know.

How much sleep is enough?

How much sleep is enough?

Many parents ask how much is enough sleep for their little ones.  This is like asking how long is a piece of string?  It is an individual thing and is best worked out by watching your baby.

Watch your baby

How much sleep your baby needs changes as they mature and is different from person (baby) to person.  A newborn generally requires much more sleep than a six month old and a twelve month old generally more than a 2 year old.  Some babies never seem to “need “ a lot of sleep.  Other babies seem to need quite a lot of sleep.  The important point is to go by your baby and what he or she needs.

Sleep Cycles

Remembering our sleep cycles, if your baby has one cycle of sleep and wakes up and is happy, then that may be enough sleep for that cycle.  If your baby wakes up after one cycle and is crying, cranky and unhappy, then we would think your baby probably needs more sleep. 

 Unless you think your baby needs a feed, nappy change, is hot or cold or has wind, if your baby wakes up crying and it has only been a short cycle, we would think that more than likely your baby needs more sleep.

If your baby is overtired , you will probably have to help your baby off to sleep again.  Babies who know how to self settle may not need to be helped to sleep.  They may simply need to be given the environment and opportunity for sleep.  This may mean back in the cot, give a pat to help them off to sleep or rock the pram etc. or just let them know you are there and that it is sleep time.

There is not one answer

As with all aspects of baby care, there is not a black and white, one answer for everyone.  Babies are individual and there are many solutions to the one problem.  The trick is to find the solution for you.

If you are struggling with working this out, call us, book a time to talk and we may be able to help you work out what will work the best for you. insyncwithinfants.com