I had the pleasure of assisting a family’s breastfeeding difficulties with their second baby. Their first child is 3 years of age. There was Mum, Dad, Grandma and a 3 year old sibling at home, all coming and going out of the room at various times.
As we were talking the mother mentioned that they had terrible difficulty with the behaviour of their 3 year old that morning particularly, but also for the past few days. They were stumped and upset as you would imagine.
Usually, Dad goes to work during the week and the 3 year old is home with Mummy. Their extended families live overseas. “Mummy’s” mother has flown over and will be with them for 3 months altogether to help out while the baby needs so much attention and to build a relationship with the eldest one.
We discussed what they had been trying to do to build up a relationship between Grandma and the 3 year old. We also talked about what they were wanting to happen, and then some ideas about what they were trying with no success.
Once we talked about seeing the situation from their child’s point of view, suddenly they could see a new way, understand why the behaviour was occurring and then make plans to remedy it and move forward positively.
It became clear for them to see their part, inadvertently, in the behaviour occurring too which was so enlightening. With a bit of clarity, we discussed different things to focus on to help things change. Things like spending 1: 1 time without interruption. Follow through on what you are saying you will do. Include her in activities that you need to do with the baby. Plan for those times that are potentially more high stress such as feeding, and many more ideas.
What made it all the more clear for them were 3 little words.
The Dad had been out with their 3 year old that morning and returned while I was there. Dad gave a brief account of the behaviour that morning while they were out. All 3 of us , Mum, Dad and I had tears in our eyes as he told us how the lady they had visited that morning asked their child why she was behaving this way. The 3 words that brought tears to our eyes were simply…
“I Miss Mummy”.
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