The Golden rule of good grandparenting

The Golden Rule for being a fantastic grandparent is to listen!

 

This is my number one tip for a grandparent who wants to be a fantastic granparent. Listen to your children and grandchildren. The best way to be an important part of their lives is to be a good friend. And being a good friend means that you listen. Don’t make judgements. Just listen. They will cherish you more for just being there and hearing them more than anything else.  If they know that you will listen and not judge, you will be amazed at how much you will get to know about them. The more they trust the more they will open up to you.

 

Once a trusting relationship is there between you and your grandchilren, and your children in their new role you will find many opportunities to give tips, ideas, opinions and advice that is invited and valued.That sharing of wisdom that you are itching to give will be shared. If you can remember that this is their life and that they will make mistakes, and that it is not for you to stop them making mistakes necessarily, you will be a long way towards  building a strong relationship that lasts a lifetime.

 

We all want to be loved and accepted unconditionally. One of the ways of feeling that we are is that we have someone we trust to be on our side no matter what.  As a grandparent you can foster this privilege. Let them know that mistakes are ok. That they are loved despite mistakes. That mistakes help us learn. Just follow the golden rule of good granparenting: LISTEN!

The birth of new grandparents

New grandparents are just as excited as new parents when a baby is born. Especially the first one! Not to take it away from any of the other grandchildren that follow, but there is something special about the “firsts” of anything.

 

There are many things that are great about being a new grandparent. I have heard many parents who have become grandparents say "If I knew being a grandparent was this much fun, I would have done it first".

 

Grandparents get to do it all again. You get to have fun of children all over again, without all of the hard work. All of that parental responsibility rests with your children, it is not yours now. Grandparents can play and be silly and be ok with it because grandchildren are the perfect excuse.

 

All parents reflect on their experiences and would like to change a thing or two. Anything that you would have liked to do differently you may be able to get that chance with your grandkids. For some it’s not being so strict with food or enjoying messy play. For others it’s playing more and worrying about housework less. And for others it’s about having the expensive icecream and not the budget one. Grandparents get to enjoy all the fun and wonder of grandkids and hand them back at the end of the day and get a good night’s sleep.  This is perhaps the biggest bonus for most grandparents that I hear most often. A good night’s sleep is bliss.

 

New grandparents get to remember and relive life through the eyes of little ones when the world is wondrous, new and so exciting. Grandparents are often at a stage when they have the time to also appreciate the wonder of a caterpillar having so many legs. Of taking time to spend looking at one spider web because they don’t have to rush to work.  Even if you are a grandparent who does have to rush to work, prioritising ‘slow time’ with your grandchildren will be priceless. Taking time for those little things helps to be mindful, be present, and also to appreciate all the big  things in our lives.

 

One of the greatest gifts of being a grandparent is that there is a little person who loves you just as you are. A little person has complete acceptance of you as the person you are when they know that you are accepting of him or her just as they are. Being a friend gives great rewards.  The trust that comes is priceless and builds a strong relationship that lasts. When you are a true friend, you will be given opportunities to share all that wisdom you have inside of you.

 

New grandparents have all this in front of them to enjoy.

 

The awesome importance of being a grandparent

The importance of being a grandparent can never be underestimated. It is an awesome role that can prove an incredible blessing in the lives of generations. Grandparents are important.

 

Why are grandparents so important? Because grandparents have knowledge, experience and wisdom.  They have lived life and seen and done many things.  They have come full circle and usually realise that life is meant to be fun. Grandparents (be they younger or older) want to have fun.

 

Most importantly grand parents usually love grandchildren unconditionally and usually don’t have the responsibility of doing the hard parenting stuff.  They love us as we are and can feel like a friend rather than a boring adult.

 

Grandparents get to do all this fun stuff with grandkids but not have the  responsibility that parenting brings. This can help grandparents develop loving, trusting relationships with grandchildren that can allow the sharing of wisdom and guidance through example and explicit teaching across a grandchild’s life. Grandparents can be the subtle mediator when parent and child lock horns, knowing and loving both parties. Grandparents can be the difference between resolving a family conflict and conflict getting out of hand.

 

Have you ever hear the expression, ‘can’t see the wood for the trees’? Sometimes parenting is a bit like that. Grandparents have the advantage of seeing their child and grandchild from a slight distance and this can allow for objective, loving help.

 

Most of us have had the privilege of meeting our grand parents, however sadly for some this was not possible or didn’t happen. Preserving memories or traditions can be a great way to keep passed grandparents in the lives of their grandchildren. Tell their stories, use their sayings, bake their recipes, little things that add up to another loving presence in the life of a child.

 

Grandparents have an awesome role to play in families. The influence of a loving grandparent can bless the lives of their children and grandchildren, bringing love, fun, help and harmony to the family.

Role of grandparents in family- The 5 essential qualities of every fantastic grandparent

The importance of grandparents is often something we don’t stop and think about. Most of us adored our grandparents. There is something special about their role and the relationship they have with grandchildren. Families are blessed when grandparents can take a role in the lives of children, adding to the ‘villiage’ required to raise a child.

Becoming a grandparent is an exciting time, but also a daunting one. Our own grandparents were always wrinkly, kind and fun, weren’t they? How does one become a fantastic grandparent? Not being a grand parent myself I am writing this article (and others this month) from the point of view of being a grandchild and from the collective wisdom of the Insync with Infants community, feedback from grandparents themselves and new parents whose children now have grandparents.
There are five essential qualities that every fantastic grandparent possesses:

1.Fun - A great sense of fun makes a great grandparent!   No-one enjoys the company of a dreary, negative influence. Have fun with your grandchild. You get to play again and it’s accepted. We all love playing It’s gives us life and makes us lighter and more enjoyable to be around. Your children are responsible for the hard stuff - for the parenting. You get to enjoy little children without the responsibility of discipline etc. You have the perfect excuse to be a kid again. Enjoy and have fun with them.

2. Authenticity - take the pressure off and let the real you shine.
Anyone who is trying to be something or someone they are not is really unattractive. Little ones are so clever, they see through ingenuousness in a flash. Be yourself with your grandkids. Share your interests and hobbies. If you try to be too hip, too modern or something you are not, it will fall flat. Just be yourself and your grandchildren will love you as you are. That’s unconditional love.

3. Storytelling- share your history and your life today.
Grandchildren are often fascinated by old people. From saggy skin to walking sticks, funny clothes and false teeth, grandparents can be an enigma to children. Share photos of when you were young. Share stories of when you were young. They will get a laugh out of funny hairstyles and clothes from your younger days and marvel at the way the world used to be. Perhaps you don’t look or smell like a traditional grandparent. You still have stories! Embarass your children by telling your grandchildren stories from their youth! Pass on the stories your grandparents told you!

4. Openness - always listen, be open and forgiving of grandchildren.
One of the best ways to foster a relationship with your grandchildren is for them to know that they can trust you. That if you tell them something big, you are not going to judge them. Remember, they are learning their way through life. They are going to make mistakes, probably the same ones you did. It is just learning. Be a good friend and just listen. You may have to listen for an hour and monitor your response, but if you just listen and reserve judgement you will be amazed at how much more your grandchildren will open to you. Remember you are not the parent.

5. Reserve - only give advice when asked!
This must be the hardest thing of all for grandparents to do for their children. When you can see objectively something that could be easier just because you have lived it, it can be really hard to hold your tongue and not offer words of wisdom. By all means speak up if you are asked. However, as with all of us, advice that is offered without request can ruffle feathers. To build the relationship with your children as parents be a good listener and offer advice/ideas/ opinions only if you are asked.