When things don’t go to plan

 
At times despite our best intentions and preparation, things just don’t always go to plan.  I regularly see  new mums really wanting to breastfeed their little one because they know it is right for them and their baby.



They have done their research, they are well informed of their role and what they need to do the set up good breastfeeding habits for success from the beginning. Then  the dream birth just  doesn’t go to plan and all the things they had planned to do are just not achievable.

 

In those first days when mums are recuperating they get by. It is later when they have time to think back that they often feel a failure or feel sad at the turn of events. It is often a grieving over what they feel they have lost.

 

In those first days when mums are recuperating they get by. It is later when they have time to think back that they often feel a failure or feel sad at the turn of events.  Mums often feel cheated or that they somehow failed.  All feelings are normal. There is not one right way to feel.

 

It is easy for me to say don’t worry about, you did your best, but that often sounds like platitudes and often feel that way for these mums.

 

Often the best thing to do as a friend or supportive person is to ask them about their feelings.  It is better to get it out of their heads than mull over it going round and round in their heads not making sense of it for themself. Often once they say it out loud it makes more sense and they can get clarity a little sooner.  If it is you who has had the experienced  talk about it. Tell people how you feel.  What would help you feel better about it?

 

The other concern in this instance is for the baby.

Babies are robust. Babies adapt fairly easily. Babies are hard wired for survival.

 

This is a good thing. It means that when things don’t go to plan, there are ways of giving babies what they need for survival in the immediate sense.  Most parents  ultimately  want a healthy baby.

In our Western culture we are very lucky that we have available health care for when things don’t go as planned. I do think we can make huge improvements in  postnatal and birthing care and options for women but in comparison to third world countries we are very lucky.

 

When birthing doesn’t go to plan breastfeeding is often delayed. Sometimes it is delayed for a few  days or weeks and in some cases, I have seen it come in in abundance at 6-8 weeks postnatally.  Breastfeeding is often  quite forgiving. If the mother is unwell after the birth, nature will take care of mum first. Then when mum is better, the milk often appears. It is not impossible for babies to learn how to breastfeed in this scenario. It does take perseverance, patience and balancing breast and bottle.  It does require extra support for the mother, but it can be done.

 

All is not lost if your plans do not go as expected.  Formula may not be your preferred method.  However until sharing human breastmilk becomes accepted and easily available, formula is our next  option.  There is a growing movement of sharing breastmilk and if you know  someone well and you trust them and  who  is willing to share- go for it I say.

 

I believe that sometime  in the future, this will become normal- at least for young babies. I think our health will depend on it.

 

We are happy to drink the milk of a cow, goat, alpaca and sheep - Why is it that human milk sharing grosses us out??