Where should babies sleep

Where should babies sleep

 Many people ask me “where should babies sleep?”  there is no right or wrong. It is individual preferences.
I thought I would share more stories about my clients and this may help shed more light on the topic.
I am aware that the results of clients I have put up to date have been about quick success stories.  While there are many quick success stories with my clients’ babies sleeping, there are also a number of stories where the transition has taken longer.
The reasons can be many and often it is because there are  a number of things going on not just a simple sleep issue.
So I have decided to write about a couple of them over the next few weeks where it has taken a while longer to make progress.
All names have been changed to protect privacy.
Sophie is a delightful 9 week old baby.  First child for mum and dad.
Sophie loves to feed from mum’s breast non-stop.  Sophie has had catnaps all her life, usually in mum’s arms and at the breast. Overnight Sophie sleeps with Mum, and Dad is sometimes present, but increasingly going to the spare room to sleep. Feeding takes about 1 and a half hours each time.  Overnight, Sophie feeds every 2 hours.
Mum and Dad are 2 intelligent, educated, widely read and loving parents.  Their idea of parenting is of a very natural existence.  Their beliefs consist of demand breastfeeding, sleeping in arms, co-sleeping and spending time with Sophie so that their family had strong bonds and attachment. They decided to include Sophie in all their activities so that she was an addition to the family and not a catalyst to change their lifestyle.
By the time Sophie’s mum called me,  Mum was exhausted and really confused with what Sophie really needed.  Mum was giving her what she thought she needed but Sophie wasn’t happy very often, she didn't cry often but preferred to be with mum constantly, even Dad couldn’t console her. Sophie, Mum and Dad were all exhausted which meant decision making  was even harder.
My first visit was focussed on helping Sophie feed well and stay on track with feeding so that feeding time shortened and we started to teach her a difference between feeding and sleeping to make it easier for mum to give her what she needed. We also looked at Sophie’s cues for feeding and sleeping which were blurred because for Sophie it had always been the same thing.  Her cues were not obvious at this first visit because everything was all rolled into one.
Our first goal was to manage the feeding so that the time was shorter and the frequency of feeding was a little longer. This took about 3 days to get reasonable progress.  Sophie was still sleeping in arms using a pouch often. We continued on with phone and text support and within 7 days Sophie was taking 40 minutes with feeds and stretching to 3 hours at times. We also worked on ways for mum and dad to cope with things as they managed these changes.
We then started to address sleep cues with Sophie. She was so overtired and had been for many weeks.  It took another 7 days to work on seeing early tired signs while at the same time helping her with sleep so she wasn’t feeling so wretched from lack of sleep.  I had a second consult at 2 and a half weeks after the first and we really looked at her cues and worked on strategies to help settle her and for mum to cope.
Five days after the second consult,  Sophie is now waking only once at night for a feed and self settling back to sleep,  feeding within 30 minutes, and is starting to self settle for more sleeps.
Mum is feeling fantastic, Dad is happy and back in bed with mum.  Sophie still comes into bed with mum and dad at times. While it is not perfect, mum is realising that her expectations may have been a little unrealistic with what life with a new baby would be like.
So while Mum is doing things differently to her ideal of what she thought she would like to be doing as a parent, she is much happier and can now get good rest for herself and read Sophie’s cues more easily. In the absence of having extended family to help out, this has enabled this family to enjoy their new baby. Sophie gets all her needs met and is a happier baby as a result.
Mum and Dad continue to utilise the values and practices that are important to them while at the same time balancing them with some simple guidelines we have put in place.  This means meeting everyone’s needs so the family is happy.

Sophie sleeps in many different places depending on her need and the circumstances. When she is out with parents it may be the pouch or the pram.  At home it may be the pouch, her bed, parents bed or dad's arms.

So while it hasn't been a quick fix, their effort has been rewarded. With patience and perseverance,  things can improve.