The Golden rule of good grandparenting

The Golden Rule for being a fantastic grandparent is to listen!

 

This is my number one tip for a grandparent who wants to be a fantastic granparent. Listen to your children and grandchildren. The best way to be an important part of their lives is to be a good friend. And being a good friend means that you listen. Don’t make judgements. Just listen. They will cherish you more for just being there and hearing them more than anything else.  If they know that you will listen and not judge, you will be amazed at how much you will get to know about them. The more they trust the more they will open up to you.

 

Once a trusting relationship is there between you and your grandchilren, and your children in their new role you will find many opportunities to give tips, ideas, opinions and advice that is invited and valued.That sharing of wisdom that you are itching to give will be shared. If you can remember that this is their life and that they will make mistakes, and that it is not for you to stop them making mistakes necessarily, you will be a long way towards  building a strong relationship that lasts a lifetime.

 

We all want to be loved and accepted unconditionally. One of the ways of feeling that we are is that we have someone we trust to be on our side no matter what.  As a grandparent you can foster this privilege. Let them know that mistakes are ok. That they are loved despite mistakes. That mistakes help us learn. Just follow the golden rule of good granparenting: LISTEN!

The birth of new grandparents

New grandparents are just as excited as new parents when a baby is born. Especially the first one! Not to take it away from any of the other grandchildren that follow, but there is something special about the “firsts” of anything.

 

There are many things that are great about being a new grandparent. I have heard many parents who have become grandparents say "If I knew being a grandparent was this much fun, I would have done it first".

 

Grandparents get to do it all again. You get to have fun of children all over again, without all of the hard work. All of that parental responsibility rests with your children, it is not yours now. Grandparents can play and be silly and be ok with it because grandchildren are the perfect excuse.

 

All parents reflect on their experiences and would like to change a thing or two. Anything that you would have liked to do differently you may be able to get that chance with your grandkids. For some it’s not being so strict with food or enjoying messy play. For others it’s playing more and worrying about housework less. And for others it’s about having the expensive icecream and not the budget one. Grandparents get to enjoy all the fun and wonder of grandkids and hand them back at the end of the day and get a good night’s sleep.  This is perhaps the biggest bonus for most grandparents that I hear most often. A good night’s sleep is bliss.

 

New grandparents get to remember and relive life through the eyes of little ones when the world is wondrous, new and so exciting. Grandparents are often at a stage when they have the time to also appreciate the wonder of a caterpillar having so many legs. Of taking time to spend looking at one spider web because they don’t have to rush to work.  Even if you are a grandparent who does have to rush to work, prioritising ‘slow time’ with your grandchildren will be priceless. Taking time for those little things helps to be mindful, be present, and also to appreciate all the big  things in our lives.

 

One of the greatest gifts of being a grandparent is that there is a little person who loves you just as you are. A little person has complete acceptance of you as the person you are when they know that you are accepting of him or her just as they are. Being a friend gives great rewards.  The trust that comes is priceless and builds a strong relationship that lasts. When you are a true friend, you will be given opportunities to share all that wisdom you have inside of you.

 

New grandparents have all this in front of them to enjoy.

 

The awesome importance of being a grandparent

The importance of being a grandparent can never be underestimated. It is an awesome role that can prove an incredible blessing in the lives of generations. Grandparents are important.

 

Why are grandparents so important? Because grandparents have knowledge, experience and wisdom.  They have lived life and seen and done many things.  They have come full circle and usually realise that life is meant to be fun. Grandparents (be they younger or older) want to have fun.

 

Most importantly grand parents usually love grandchildren unconditionally and usually don’t have the responsibility of doing the hard parenting stuff.  They love us as we are and can feel like a friend rather than a boring adult.

 

Grandparents get to do all this fun stuff with grandkids but not have the  responsibility that parenting brings. This can help grandparents develop loving, trusting relationships with grandchildren that can allow the sharing of wisdom and guidance through example and explicit teaching across a grandchild’s life. Grandparents can be the subtle mediator when parent and child lock horns, knowing and loving both parties. Grandparents can be the difference between resolving a family conflict and conflict getting out of hand.

 

Have you ever hear the expression, ‘can’t see the wood for the trees’? Sometimes parenting is a bit like that. Grandparents have the advantage of seeing their child and grandchild from a slight distance and this can allow for objective, loving help.

 

Most of us have had the privilege of meeting our grand parents, however sadly for some this was not possible or didn’t happen. Preserving memories or traditions can be a great way to keep passed grandparents in the lives of their grandchildren. Tell their stories, use their sayings, bake their recipes, little things that add up to another loving presence in the life of a child.

 

Grandparents have an awesome role to play in families. The influence of a loving grandparent can bless the lives of their children and grandchildren, bringing love, fun, help and harmony to the family.

Role of grandparents in family- The 5 essential qualities of every fantastic grandparent

The importance of grandparents is often something we don’t stop and think about. Most of us adored our grandparents. There is something special about their role and the relationship they have with grandchildren. Families are blessed when grandparents can take a role in the lives of children, adding to the ‘villiage’ required to raise a child.

Becoming a grandparent is an exciting time, but also a daunting one. Our own grandparents were always wrinkly, kind and fun, weren’t they? How does one become a fantastic grandparent? Not being a grand parent myself I am writing this article (and others this month) from the point of view of being a grandchild and from the collective wisdom of the Insync with Infants community, feedback from grandparents themselves and new parents whose children now have grandparents.
There are five essential qualities that every fantastic grandparent possesses:

1.Fun - A great sense of fun makes a great grandparent!   No-one enjoys the company of a dreary, negative influence. Have fun with your grandchild. You get to play again and it’s accepted. We all love playing It’s gives us life and makes us lighter and more enjoyable to be around. Your children are responsible for the hard stuff - for the parenting. You get to enjoy little children without the responsibility of discipline etc. You have the perfect excuse to be a kid again. Enjoy and have fun with them.

2. Authenticity - take the pressure off and let the real you shine.
Anyone who is trying to be something or someone they are not is really unattractive. Little ones are so clever, they see through ingenuousness in a flash. Be yourself with your grandkids. Share your interests and hobbies. If you try to be too hip, too modern or something you are not, it will fall flat. Just be yourself and your grandchildren will love you as you are. That’s unconditional love.

3. Storytelling- share your history and your life today.
Grandchildren are often fascinated by old people. From saggy skin to walking sticks, funny clothes and false teeth, grandparents can be an enigma to children. Share photos of when you were young. Share stories of when you were young. They will get a laugh out of funny hairstyles and clothes from your younger days and marvel at the way the world used to be. Perhaps you don’t look or smell like a traditional grandparent. You still have stories! Embarass your children by telling your grandchildren stories from their youth! Pass on the stories your grandparents told you!

4. Openness - always listen, be open and forgiving of grandchildren.
One of the best ways to foster a relationship with your grandchildren is for them to know that they can trust you. That if you tell them something big, you are not going to judge them. Remember, they are learning their way through life. They are going to make mistakes, probably the same ones you did. It is just learning. Be a good friend and just listen. You may have to listen for an hour and monitor your response, but if you just listen and reserve judgement you will be amazed at how much more your grandchildren will open to you. Remember you are not the parent.

5. Reserve - only give advice when asked!
This must be the hardest thing of all for grandparents to do for their children. When you can see objectively something that could be easier just because you have lived it, it can be really hard to hold your tongue and not offer words of wisdom. By all means speak up if you are asked. However, as with all of us, advice that is offered without request can ruffle feathers. To build the relationship with your children as parents be a good listener and offer advice/ideas/ opinions only if you are asked.

Toys for Baby

 

Toys for your baby is a topic that will come up very soon if it hasn’t already. Christmas is almost here. Well it is still a couple of months away but if we get down to nitty gritty- it’s only about 8 weeks - give or take a few days. The shops are already starting to get their christmas groove on. I think it is way too early for that yet, however, it happens each year and it seems to get earlier each year.

 

I am a “close to the time” sort of girl with getting things done.  One year I was all organised and had all my shopping done by the beginning of December and guess what?  I went and got more presents because I saw more things that I thought people would enjoy.

 

Those of you who know me well, know that I am much more impressed by the thought that goes into presents and gifts than the price tag. I am a firm believer and practiser of less is more when it comes to presents.

 

It can be easy to get carried away with all the lovely things out there for sale for your little ones. Marketers love babies because they make people buy things.

 

When it comes to toys or presents for your baby- remember your baby doesn’t know about Christmas or birthdays. I don’t mean to say don’t celebrate. Absolutely celebrate- celebrate big- Make it a big, wonderful occasion and let them know how wonderful, talented, gifted, special and loved they are. This is important.

 

What is not so important is thinking that giving him or her more presents or bigger presents means more to him or her than you do.

 

Little babies, particularly, would rather have you to play with than any toy going around. Even toddlers and older children get more joy and memories from spending time with you than when you buy him or her an expensive present. Years down the track, he or she will remember the time spent with you when…

 

So this christmas, bear this in mind when it comes to “spending” for your little ones. Perhaps think about the amount you spend, and what you spend on when buying toys for your baby. Little ones get just as much pleasure from  banging saucepan lids, or shaking a rice filled jar (secured lid of course), or even the wrapping paper may be more fun for some.

 

The type of toys that usually engage your little one more are the ones where they explore and learn. Toys with lots of things going on entertain for a short a time. Toys that last longest are ones that engage your little one. Usually the simple ones last longest.

 

When you are thinking about toys for your baby this christmas, with flashing lights, moving parts, funny noises etc, how many does your little one really need?

 

Our webinar this month covered ideas for play for your baby ages 0-8 months. If you would like a copy of the recording please contact leisa@insyncwithinfants.com to arrange your copy.

Playing with your Newborn - changes with maturity

Playing with your baby is something that confuses and confounds parents at times.  They often feel that  they seemingly just work out what their baby needs and wants and then it doesn’t work any more. The number of times I have heard this in frustration from parents is infinite.

 

Babies mature fairly slowly in comparison to other animals. Animals in the wild really need to mature quickly for survival.  We tend to be dependent on our adults for survival for longer. However that doesn’t mean that human babies learn less or more slowly. Human babies are learning much more broadly and are taking in more than is obvious.

 

Babies routines and behaviours will change fairly rapidly in the first few months. For example, the first day your baby will be fairly sleepy, second day feed all the time and 3rd day milk comes in so babies feed more calmly and less often again.

 

Newborns pretty much only feed and sleep for the first 7-10 days, maybe 2 weeks if you are lucky then start to wake up and let you know that he or she is here.  What used to work often doesn’t work any more for settling and maybe even feeding.

 

Then you work out your baby, get into a new routine and then 6 weeks hits and another change in behaviour. He or she is more alert again, now smiling and wanting to interact with you. If you haven’t thought it before, many parents are now thinking ‘why doesn’t my baby know when it’s time to go to sleep and just go to sleep?’ Because things have changed and you as the parent have to help your baby learn his own body signals and teach him or her what he wants is not necessarily what he needs.

 

One of the things a lot of parents do without knowing it is they tire out their baby with a lot of play.

 

When your baby starts to respond and interact with you more it is easy to get caught up in the excitement of it and miss the signs that your baby is tired and ready for a break. These are often fleeting as your baby gets older and are easily missed.

 

Playtime is fun and one of the activities that you want to enjoy because it brings everyone so much joy. It is helpful to be mindful of watching for that your baby doesn’t get over tired and thus harder to settle because of it.

 

So yes things will change with maturity, however as you get to know your baby more you will be more in tune with him or her and be able to work it out. It will take time and it won’t be a magic answer but you will do it. You know your baby better than you think. If you take the time to observe it will become easier. Enjoy playtime with your baby and bear in mind  those signs that your baby shows to say “I need a break now”.

 

For ideas about signs that your baby has had enough get our sleep ebook- it tells you all about early tired signs. "

When playtime is not needed

Every parent wants to sleep well at night. Critical to good night sleep is setting up really good habits in the evening routine. When your baby is newborn until about 6-8 weeks evenings can be really tricky and hard work. This is normal and is just your baby’s immaturity. The effort you put into a consistent, calm evening routine will eventually be rewarded!

 

The witching hour, the arsenic hour, trouble time. Babies are often unsettled in the evening. Theoretically there are a number of things contributing to these unsettled times. Breastmilk supply is lower at this time of the day, everyone is tired at the end of the day (yes, even after all those naps), and it can be a busy time of the day for the family with dinner, baths, homework, planning for next day and dealing with frazzled temperaments from tiredness.

 

Most newborns just want to be held at this time of the day. He or she may want to suckle all the time. Remember sucking is soothing so this is perfectly normal. This is often called ‘cluster feeding’. All this behaviour will pass once baby matures (in weeks and months, not years!).

 

Once your baby matures past needing constant cuddles in the evening, evening routines can be started. Evenings routines that are helpful include dinner, bath, story, milk*, bed. Once you start your evening routine aim for no playtime. This seems like a drag but can make all the difference in the world to your night time . When little ones get into bed on time and know what to expect things usually run much smoother.

 

When the arsenic hour hits remember that your baby is not complaining that they are bored. Make sure that well meaning friends and relatives don’t try and stop the baby from crying by entertaining and playing. Babies do not need play in the evening. They need a calm, predictable bedtime routine and lots of support to work through the stresses of the day, relax and go to sleep.

Our webinar last month was on being with your baby when crying. If you would like to purchase a copy email us here and we will organise it for you. Go here or send an email to leisa@insyncwithinfants.com

* Remember last week I wrote about feed, play, sleep and not using feeding as a sleep cue? Having a feed just before bed as part of the evening routine is okay. Feeding to sleep usually does not interfere with night time settling. The problem is if your baby relies on feeding for sleep at every sleep time. The one for the evening is okay - enjoy that lovely cuddle time together.