“ BEING WITH”

A note that is a little different today about truly “being with” someone.

The past few weeks have been quite emotional for me. Early in January , my fathers’ companion passed away after a long illness.
Then over the past week or so my beloved grandmother has been unwell. It is inevitable that she will soon pass away too. Until a few weeks ago she was caring for herself almost completely independently.
As much as this brings me to tears, as she will be missed, the tears are also of joy and pride. She has had a fantastic life with highs and lows and she has soldiered on giving all of her offspring a great role model to follow. She always said ”You just have to keep going”.
Right now she is cared for and surrounded by her family in her own home. For me this is the essence of being with.

I know I always talk about it in regard to babies. It doesn’t just apply to babies though.

Being with someone at the hardest and most painful of times is the biggest compliment someone can give you. To allow someone in at that time is a huge act of love. And to the person or persons invited to witness these times it is the highest privilege.
I am proud of my aunts for taking on her care in her home. None of them are nurses, so the hows and whys of caring for someone needing so much care is new for them. They continue to manage beautifully with the expert advice of the palliative care team who have been absolutely wonderful.
I cared for my mother in our home many years ago when she passed away, and as much as it was a very tough time it is also one of the most rewarding of my life. The gift is to the carer, not the other way around.
I have long been an advocate of caring for our dying at home right up until their last breath simply because I know first hand the rewards it brings.
If we can remember to just “be with” at all those difficult times and not just try to fix it or make it go away or make it better, but help them through it by just being there, you will be amazed at the difference in your strength and stamina.
So when you are feeling like you need to “fix” a difficult situation for someone think again. Give them the compliment of believing in them and just be with them as they negotiate their way.